Mr Darcy Does Houston
by coffeeiv
Summary: A new neighbor raise the hopes of the perennially divorced Lori Anne and the crushprone Barbara Jean, while his British buddy raises the ire of Reba. Previously titled "Mr. Darcy Does Houston."
1. Chapter 1

Scene One Reba Screenplay

I tried to find something in the instructions that accepted or forbid screenplays, but couldn't find a specific reference to them. Please let me know if this is unacceptable, as I can rewrite it in regular story form.

"A More Gentlemanlike Manner: A 'Reba' Screenplay"

Scene One

EXT.: NEIGHBORHOOD PARK, MID-AFTERNOON,

LABOR DAY, HOUSTON

_150-200 people of all ages. Big tables with food, barbeque _

_pits, pick-up football game, local country-western band _

_with people dancing, kids running around, kids playing tag, _

_some kid crying, babies with young parents, grandparents, _

_etc._

(REBA dances with unidentified man on a boot-scoot line

dance. Then she dances a two step with another man.

BARBARA JEAN and BROCK dance, too, but they're not

smiling. LORRI ANN grabs REBA when she goes to get a

drink out of the cooler.)

LA: Looks like BJ and Brock are still having a snit.

R: Who cares? I'm having a blast and so are all the kids.

(R and LA look at Elizabeth and Henry, who are playing

Red Light with a bunch of other kids. LA looks around)

LA: I wonder if that new guy in the 'hood is going to show up.

R: Yeah, I didn't think anyone would buy that huge

monstrosity of a house in this neighborhood, and you've

got to wonder about him.

LA: Only thing I'm wondering is does he already have a

girlfriend and if so, how many hours will it take me to run

her off?

R: I hope you're joking.

LA: He's loaded. I never joke about money.

R: Well, Van got a great commission from selling it, and

they're buying Elizabeth a pre-paid college tuition bond

with it.

LA: Aren't you proud of them, getting all responsible?

R: Yeah, but I miss having them at home.

LA: That's right, with Kyra off at Rice University and Jake about to

get his learner's permit…

R: Don't say it.

LA: You're about to be an empty nester.

(R sticks her face in LA's and sneers.)

R: You're such a good friend. Go back to Dallas.

LA: I hate Dallas. It's too spread out. Had to travel 20

miles to find a Starbucks near my house. Plus, all those oil

people are snobs.

R: LA, your ex-husband number three is an oil man.

LA: Like I said. Now, we need to find you somebody to

fill up that house.

R: Not here. I've seen all these people for twenty years. This river ain't worth baiting a hook for.

LA: Who's a snob now? One of these days, Reba Hart,

another Brian or Yummy Pants or Dr. Delightful will come

along and you'll have to eat your words.

(The band finishes their first set just as a group of three

people get out of a black Mercedes sports coupe. They look

like movie stars – they have on the hippest clothes, the

most exclusive shades, and their skin is incredible. There is

a smiling blonde man in his mid-thirties, a blonde woman,

not smiling, who looked around thirty, and a tall, scowling

man with dark, wavy hair and dark eyes who looks close to

fifty. An older man in a golf shirt with the logo of the

homeowner's association on it goes to shake their hands.

He leads them to the band's stage and turns the microphone

on.)

HOMEOWNER MAN: Friends, I'd like to introduce to

you our newest neighbor, Mr. Charlie Bingely, who has just

moved into the King's house on Willow. He's brought his

sister, Caroline, and his friend Will Darcy from Nashville,

originally from London, did you say?

(DARCY nods.)

HM: So let's give them a hearty Houston welcome! (The

crowd whoops and yells.)

HM: Now, let's get 'em some barbeque and beer!

(BJ walks over to R)

BJ: Isn't he cute?

R: Spare me another crush. Go fawn over your husband.

BJ: But Charlie Bingely is not only cute, he's got millions,

maybe billions.

R: Oil?

BJ: No, sewage.

R: Yuk.

BJ: Well, somebody's got to do it. He invented a more

economical environmentally friendly septic system.

R: You know, it scares me why you might know this.

BJ: I'm on the Homeowner's Association Board. I'm in

charge of getting to know the new homeowners and

introducing them to everyone. It's my job to find out all I

can.

R: So you are a snoop for Sagebrush Hills Homeowners

Association?

BJ: Hospitality, Reba.

R: So what's he doing in a middle class neighborhood in Houston?

BJ: Houston's got more new septic tanks going in the

ground than anywhere in the US besides Atlanta.

R: So why not Atlanta?

BJ: Traffic's bad and the air quality sucks.

(R rolls her eyes and shakes her head.)

BJ: Gossip says he's ready to find a wife and start a family.

Our neighborhood has primo schools and a great HO

association.

R: Look, LA's dancing with him.

BJ: You've got to stop her, Reba, She's too old for him.

R: It's just a dance, BJ. Heck, I've danced with half the

men here already.

(LA puts her arms around C. He puts his hands on her hips.)

BJ: Oh, this is bad, Reba. She's a wily woman.

(The dance ends and LA excuses herself to the clubhouse.

Darcy walks up to Charlie and frowns even more.)

BJ: Look, even Charlie's friend doesn't think it's a good idea.

(Charlie pats Darcy on the shoulder and walks over to the

buffet. Darcy looks after him, then goes back to Caroline

who is standing under the shade of a tree by herself.)

BJ: That Darcy is icy.

R: Maybe he's just ill at ease and needs conversation.

(She walks over to him and Caroline, who sees Reba

coming and immediately heads for Charlie at the buffet.)

R: Hello, Mr. Darcy. Welcome to Houston. I'm Reba.

WD: Pleased to meet you.

R: Same here. How long will you be in Houston?

WD: Not long.

R: Too muggy for you?

(WD forces a small, quick smile. The band gets back on stage.)

R: Mr. Darcy, do you dance?

WD: Not if I can help it.

(Reba raises her eyebrows and purses her lips.)

R: Well, alrighty then, you just have a crackin' good time.

(She walks off. BJ runs up to her.)

BJ: So?

R: The iceman cometh.

BJ: Let's go play with the kids.


	2. Chapter 2

Scene 2,3,4 Reba Screenplay

Scene Two

(Lorri Ann and Charlie continue to dance together. BJ and Reba huddle underneath an azalea bush with bowls of ice cream.)

BJ: You think they'll ever find us?

R: Hope not. This homemade ice cream is killer. I don't want to share.

BJ: I'm kinda worried about Henry. Ever since we got that diagnosis of Asperger's, I'm afraid he's gonna get beaten up by the other kids.

R: You worry about Henry getting beaten up?

(They peep through the bushes at a pick-up soccer game. Henry, who is much larger than the kids he's playing with, grabs the ball with his hands, runs toward the goal pushing other kids down, and spikes it into the goalie's head. Brock runs over and pulls Henry off the field. BJ sighs.)

BJ: Nothing in my life is easy.

R: Well, Henry's forgotten hide and seek; let's go find Elizabeth.

(They start to get up when Charlie and Darcy walk in front of their hiding place.)

C: I've never seen so many beautiful women in one place.

D: You've got to be joking.

C: Especially Lorri Ann.

D: Charlie, she's older than your Aunt Margaret.

C: I'm no spring chicken,Will. At 40, I'm already starting to lose feathers.

(He rakes his hands through his hair.)

C: (cont.) And so are you. Why won't you loosen up?

D: In this neighborhood?

C: It's my neighborhood now, Darcy; watch it. Just because no one here could buy an island like you can doesn't mean they're not worthy of a look. What about Lorri Ann's friend? What's her name? She's a stunner.

D: The redhead? Her name's Reba, and I wouldn't call her a "stunner" by any measure. Plus, she's got that awful accent.

(Underneath the azalea, BJ looks for Reba's reaction. Reba makes a face and rolls her eyes.)

C: You're missing out, buddy, if all your qualifications for a soulmate are based on financial portfolio and how closely they resemble the hottest Hollywood starlet. I wouldn't be as choosy as you for all your fortune.

D: Go back and dance with your old divorcee and stop trying to tempt me with a redheaded redneck woman.

(Reba's eyes narrow. She whispers to BJ.)

R: He says that like it's an insult.

(The men walk away. BJ tears up and grabs Reba into a bear hug.)

BJ: Oh, Reba-robba-roo! That mean old man!

R: Sheesh, Barbara Jean! It's OK. I thank God he doesn't like me. If he did, I'd have to actually talk to him. Now come on; it's been fifteen minutes. Elizabeth's probably pigging out on sweets and Brock probably needs a break from Henry by now. Hey, maybe we can send Henry over to that Darcy guy and let him kick the stuffing out of his shins. That'd be some real fun.

Scene Three

(The next AM, Reba is in her car when Lorri Ann calls.)

LA: Reba, Caroline Bingely just asked me to lunch.

R: Charlie's witchy sister? Why?

LA: That's what I'm trying to figure out so I'll know what to wear. Do I go with the Donna Karan silver pants suit that says elegant business, or do I wear my push-up bra, my low-cut blouse, my just-you-watch-me five inch heels?

R: Hmm. Where are you going?

LA: Charlie's. They have a chef.

R: Ritzy.

LA: I know she's going to try to get rid of me. I'm just trying to decide which approach to take.

R: Pants suit. She's seen you look trampy. Go for the business. Will Charlie be there?

LA: No, he and Will went fishing.

R: Darcy fishes? For what? Mergers and acquisitions? Why would Charlie be OK with fishing if he knew what Caroline had in mind?

LA: Oh, he's such a sweetie ,he does whatever Will thinks is best. Will's sort of like an older brother.

R: He's a middle aged man, for crying out loud. What business is it of his or Caroline's who Charlie goes out with?

LA: So you don't think I'm too old for him, Reba?

R: I did at first, but now I think you guys are a perfect fit. And I've never seen you with a perfect fit despite your three marriages.

(Reba smiles, pulls up in a driveway of a house with a real estate sign in the yard, gets out, and shakes the hands of a couple waiting at the front door.)

Scene Four

INT. – REBA'S HOUSE- LATE AFTERNOON

(Reba comes in sweaty from the gym.)

JAKE: Mom, Miss Lorri Ann called. She said she's tried to call you ten times but your cell phone was off.

R: Yeah, I had to show a house, then I went to the gym. I need a shower.

J: But she said it was important.

R: (Sighs) Alright.

(Reba dials the number)

LA: (Weak voice) Hey, Reba.

R: Did she beat you up, Lorri Ann?

LA: No, she poisoned me.

R: What?

LA: Her chef just "happened" to give me a bad piece of fish. I almost had to go to the hospital but I finally stopped being sick. Now I just can't move.

R: I'll be over in two minutes. Don't drink anything that woman gives you.

LA: As if.

(Reba sniffs under her arms, groans, looks at herself in the mirror, groans again, and leaves.)


	3. Chapter 3

Reba Screenplay Scenes 5,6,7

Scene Five

INT.: CHARLIE'S HOUSE

(Darcy and Caroline are having a cocktail in the salon. Caroline walks over to Darcy, who is reading a newspaper.)

CAROLINE: I heard the Mastersons just bought their son a jet for graduation from Oxford. Now what will they do for a present when he gets married ?

(Darcy doesn't reply.)

(The doorbell rings. Darcy opens the door to reveal Reba. Darcy just blinks. Caroline is right behind him, and stares her up and down. There is silence for a few seconds. Reba looks at Caroline, since it's her brother's house, and Darcy has said nothing.)

R: Hi, uh…I came to see about Lorri Ann. Where is she?

(Caroline looks at Reba with no emotion. More silence.)

D: She's upstairs, third door on the right.

(Reba looks back at Darcy and pauses a bit.)

R: Thank you.

(Reba exits)

CAR: Oh, my stars, did you see how she was dressed? Let's go to the gym twenty years ago.

D: My guess is she hasn't gotten herself anything new in a while, especially considering all the people she supports.

CAR: She should have thought about that before she had all those kids.

(Darcy goes back to his paper, but glances up at the door once more.)

Scene Six

INT.: CHARLIE'S GUEST ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

(Lorri Ann is in the bed. Reba knocks softly, comes in, and sits down on the bed.)

R: Well, you're managing to spend the night with Charlie.

LA: Yeah, it really turns men on to see a woman hurl all over herself.

R: Has he come up here to see you?

LA: Can't keep him out of here. He comes up every hour.

R: Have you seen Caroline?

LA: I have heard her. She tries to keep him out of here.

R: Hmm. Well, Charlie does seem to have a thing for listening to other people. I hope he'll stick up for himself this time.

LA: I don't know. Will and Caroline are a scary pair.

R: Do they have a thing going?

LA: As far as I can tell,that's her dream, but he shows no attachment to her at all.

R: So the only person he shows an attachment to is Charlie? Maybe he's gay.

LA: Nope. I don't get that from him. I think he's just exceedingly picky. Although a relationship with Caroline might be enough to turn anybody.

R: You don't need to stay here. I'm afraid she'll slip something onto your tray.

LA: You move me and I will hurl again.

R: What if I got Van to carry you to my house?

LA: Reba. It has taken me three hours to find the exact position that makes my nausea go into remission.

R: Well, what if I stay and nurse you?

LA: YOU want to stay HERE and WAIT on ME? Don't you have a job?

R: I have two houses to show this weekend. I'll be gone two hours each time. I can send Cheyenne over to guard you. By Sunday you should be able to go home to your own servants.

LA: I need to stop talking.

R: OK, I'll go home and grab an overnight bag. That baby harpie is not killing my best friend.

Scene Seven

INT: CHARLIE'S HOUSE – EVENING

(Charlie is watching television. Darcy is working on his laptop. Caroline is walking around in low-slung jeans, spiked-heel boots, a sequined midrift camisole, and a shrug. Reba, who hasobviously taken a shower,changed,and put on makeup,is wearing jeans and a simple smallblue t-shirt. She is reading a book.)

CAR: You are working so hard on that computer, Will. Business on Saturday. It must be such a pain to have your own company and never be able to relax, always working deals and taking meetings and looking over charts. I'm sure I wouldn't last two days.

D:Well,then, it's fortunate that it falls to me instead of you.

CAR: Who are you e-mailing?

D: Actually, I'm e-mailing my sister in North Carolina.

CAR: Oh, pretty little Georgia! I haven't seen her in months. Has she grown a lot since Christmas? And she was sweet enough to send me a picture of her in her cheerleading outfir.

C: I swear, every girl I know under the age of 21 is a cheerleader, plays soccer or softball, sings in the church praise band, and works at the soup kitchen. When do you go shopping for all those incredible clothes you wear? When do you sleep? I know ya'll don't eat since you're all under 90 pounds. You're all so well-rounded.

D: I wouldn't say I know six young women,or any women, for that matter, that are truly well rounded.

R: Six? You must comprehend a lot in the phrase.

D: I do indeed.

CAR: Oh, yes, to be well-rounded, a young woman must be involved in sports, the arts, and civic and social organizations.

D: And I would add to that she must be well-educated and well-read, and have a really good sense of humor.

(Reba closes her book.)

CAR: And also there must be a certain elegance in the way she carries herself when she walks.

R: Well, now I see why you don't know any more than six well-rounded women, Mr. Darcy. I'm surprised you know even one.

D: You are very severe on your sex.

R: I've never seen a woman like that. But I'd love to meet her. She'd be a powerful force, that's for sure.

(Darcy and Reba look at each other. Caroline walks in between them and comes over to Reba.)

CAR: How about a game of Trivial Pursuit?

R: No, thanks, I'll read.

CAR: You love to read, don't you? Do you do anything else?

R: I do a lot of other things, Miss Bingely. Do you want me to list them, for crying out loud?

CAR: Will, tell Georgia I said hi and that I enjoyed her picture.

D: I already did, like you told me thirty minutes ago.

CAR: Look outside, Reba. There's our odd neighbor Mr.Tinker getting in his Gremlin and he has on a leisure suit!

R: This I do have to see.

CAR: Come here,Will.

D: Mr. Tinker doesn't hold as much fascination for me as it does for you. Besides, if I came over there, it would defeat whatever ulterior purpose you have going this afternoon.

CAR: What are you talking about, Will? Reba, what do you think he means?

R: I have no idea. Just ignore him and maybe he'll go away.

CAR: But I want to know. You better tell me,Will.

D: Very well. Either you want to gossip about something over there, which means I would certainly be in the way, or you want me to observe the movement of your beautiful, desirable bodies, the play of light on your hair, and listen to your melodic voices, but I can enjoy it more fully from this side of the room.

(Charlie laughs.)

CAR: Will, you are so bad. Reba, we've got to punish this bad boy. You're a mom. What do you do for your son when he's done something wrong?

R: I unplug his computer and his game console.

C: Can't do that. It affects his business.

R: Then make him the butt of a joke. That oughtta be real easy.

(Darcy and Reba look at each other again in challenge.)

CAR: Oh,no. Will won't stand for being teased. Besides, there's not much to tease. He's perfect.

R: Perfect?

D: I try not to have faults that are so blatant that they can be seen.

(Reba hides a smile.)

R: Don't we all? But most of us try and try, but we all fall short. I'm so glad I've finally met someone who at least seems to be faultless.

D: If I do have a perceivable fault, it's that once someone has lost my respect, they rarely gain it back.

R: So you're resentful. You don't forgive people. Hmmm, that is a fault. But I can't really make fun of it. Too bad, 'cause I can come up with some pretty entertaining zingers.

C: Think I'll go see how Lorri Ann's doing.

CAR: You just went up twenty minutes ago, Charles. Let the poor old woman rest.

R: I'll go take a peek, then I'll be on my way. Call me if she takes a bad turn, even in the middle of the night.

C: I think she's on the mend.

CAR: It takes longer, though, when you're older.

(Reba looks at Caroline, then leaves.)


	4. Chapter 4

Mr.Darcy Does Houston Part 4

Reba Screenplay Scenes 8&9

Scene Eight

INT: REBA'S HOUSE – EVENING – HER BEDROOM

(Reba is in bed with her laptop. Barbara Jean's face appears in the window. Reba doesn't notice. Barbara Jean is hanging onto a limb. She starts to knock, but falls. Reba looks up when she hears a distant "Whomp," but goes back to typing. In a minute, BJ appears again, leaves in her hair and dirt and grass on her face. She knocks. Reba jumps, looks at BJ, and runs over to the window.)

R: Barbara Jean, what the heck are you doing? Why didn't you use the door or call?

BJ: I didn't wantto disturb you,Reba.

(BJ climbs into the room and brushes herself off.)

R: Well? What do you want?

BJ: Brock kicked me out. I need to spend the night.

R: Oh, no you don't. I'm not getting into this again. I'm sick of playing base for you guys. Like your first therapist said, if my door is open, you know you don't have to work it out. So go back home.

BJ: Oh, I can't. He changed the locks.

R: That doesn't sound like Brock. That sounds like you.

BJ: (Smiles) Yeah, isn't it cute how I've influenced him? But anyway, can I borrow a nightie? I gotta get to sleep. Weather girls have to wake up at 4AM,which means I've got…

(She looks at her watch)

BJ (cont.) …six hours to go.

(BJ starts rummaging through Reba's drawers.)

R: Get your paws off my PJs! You are doing no such thing!

BJ: But, Reba, I can't look all perky if I have panda circles under my eyes. My public won't put up with a Sleepy Stormy.

(BJ grabs a nightgown and runs to the bathroom.)

R: I'm taking care of this right now.

(Reba grabs the phone and dials.)

R: Brock? Let your wife in the house. She's pilfering my pajamas and…

(BJ comes out of the bathroom and gets in Reba's bed. Reba's eyes get wide, and then they narrow and her face reddens.)

R: Get – out – of – my – bed – this – second.

(Noise from the receiver reminds her Brock's on the line. She yells into the phone.)

R: You knew she'd come over here, Brock. You knew it. Are you trying to punish me for something I did that you haven't brought up yet? Did I overcook your eggs one too many mornings when we were married? Did I tell you the honest truth one too many times in the recent past? Get her out of my house.

(She shoves the phone toward BJ, who won't take it.)

R: You'd better talk to him, or I'll go get my gun.

BJ: Reba, I know you don't keep guns in this house.

R: OK, well, I'll go kidnap all your beanie babies.

BJ: They're in a vault downtown since Henry tried to do surgery on all my February Birthday bears.

R: Then I'll go get Jake up and make him sing you to sleep.

(BJ's eyes got wide, and she grabbed the phone.)

BJ: Yeah.

(Reba breathed a sigh of relief but stood there waiting for BJ to leave and listening to the one-sided conversation.)

BJ: NO. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. Uh-huh…

R: Oh, for the love of grits and gravy!

(Reba goes to the closet and gets a pillow and a blanket, and then stomps down the hall to Cheyenne and Van's old room.)

Scene Nine

INT: REBA'S HOUSE – MORNING – KITCHEN

(Jake walks in wearing old t-shirt and lounge pants.)

J: Mom?

(Jake looks in the den, goes upstairs to her bedroom – empty. He looks in Cheyenne and Van's old room,and there in the double bed are his mom and Barbara Jean. He yells.)

J: Ahhhhh!

(Reba abd BJ sit straight up. Reba looks at Jake, then looks at BJ.)

R: Ahhhhh!!!

(Reba scrambles out of the bed.)

R: I thought you were sleeping in my bed.

J: What?

(Jake steps back and puts his hand on his chest.)

J: Oh, no. It's this room. It's evil! Got to get out!

R: Jake, wait! Your dad locked Barbara Jean out and she came over to sleep with me. I mean-

J: Oh, God, I'm never going to have a life ever again. No one will date me now. My mom and my step mom are sleeping together. This is like San Francisco mixed with rural Alabama.

R: Jake, Barbara Jean came in through the window in my bedroom – don't ask – and when she was talking on the phone with your dad, I came in here to sleep.

(Reba turned to BJ with a scowl.)

R(cont.): I have no idea when or why she followed me down here.

(Jake thought for a moment.)

J: I don't suppose you'd want dad to know about this, would you?

R: No, "Kyra," and I don't suppose you'd want him to know about those websites I caught you surfing last month either.

J: Point taken. 'Bye.

(He exits. R turns to BJ)

R: Out. Now.

BJ: But, Reba..

R: The only butt I want to see is yours headed out my door. Now go home to your husband and child. And by the way, you're late for work.

BJ: Work!!! Ahhhhh!!!

(She runs out the bedroom door.)


	5. Chapter 5

Reba Screenplay Scene 10

Scene Ten

INT: REBA'S KITCHEN – EVENING

(Reba comes in from work to find BJ cooking supper.)

R: Barbara Jean –

BJ: Pork tenderloin with a Madiera-Cherry sauce, steamed julienne green beans with honey-roasted almonds, sweet potato casserole, homemade Parker house rolls, and a fresh wild berry cobbler with whipped cream.

(Reba licks her lips.)

R: Well, maybe you can stay one more night.

(BJ claps)

R: But you sleep in Van and Cheyenne's old room and I sleep in my room.

BJ: Oh, thank you, Reba. Can Henry stay,too? I brought an extra set of rubber sheets.

(Reba rolls her eyes.)

R: Why not? Hey, bring Brock while you're at it.

(BJ looks exasperated.)

BJ: Reba, we're fighting. That would so totally defeat the purpose.

(Reba closes her eyes and raises her face to the ceiling as if to pray for patience. The phone rings.)

R: Hello? Oh, hey, sweetie. How's school?

(She mouths to BJ, "It's Kyra.")

R: Money for a play? Honey, you just got your allowance two days ago…Oh, books, huh? Yeowch. I'd like to have stock in that publishing company. Well, OK, take thirty out of the ATM. Yeah, have fun. Love you, bye.

BJ: So you just let her have it like that?

R: I'm not discussing this with you.

(Cheyenne comes in with Elizabeth and the baby.)

CHEY: Mom, I just had to come over and tell you in person. Charlie's throwing this huge party next weekend. And the band is The Choke!

R: The Choke?

CHEY: They are like, so hot. Everyone's got their latest hit on their iPod.

BJ: I love parties! What kind of party is it?

CHEY: Oh, it's formal. Black tie, evening gowns, the whole nine yards.

R: And the band he picked for this high-tone party is called "The Choke?" Seems to me he's the one that's going to choke.

BJ: So, Miss I- Know- Better- Than- All- You- Chowderheads- Because- I –Have- Held- So- Many –Fancy- Dress- Parties- At- My- House, what would you suggest?

(Reba narrowed her eyes at BJ)

R: Why won't your therapist put you on medication? Or maybe he could put me on them.

(Reba took the baby from Cheyenne, cooed at him, and kissed Elizabeth.)

R: An orchestra. Strings, woodwinds, brass, tympani, conductor. They play waltzes. They play foxtrots. They play sambas. Not that it's what I like to do, but if you're going to go formal, you should do it right.

BJ: No one around here knows how to waltz, Reba. And they all think a foxtrot is just a Sunday comic.

CHEY: Yeah, Mom, he couldn't have a dance party where know one knows how to do the dances.

R: So why not go casual?

(BJ puts her hands on her hips.)

BJ: Reba, you gotta open up that little box that is your head and think outside it. Get beyond what always been done. Do something different. Mix rock music with formal gowns.

CHEY: Oh, but The Choke isn't rock.

R: Well, what is it, rap?

CHEY: Nnnoo, you can't really put it in a category. But it's very danceable.

BJ: Oh, I can't wait! This will be my first dance where what I'm wearing doesn't have more material than the buffet tent!


	6. Chapter 6

Reba Screenplay Scenes 11.12

Scene Eleven

EXT.: A HOUSE WITH A REAL ESTATE SIGN OUT FRONT- MORNING

(Reba drives into the driveway in her Prius, gets out, and opens the door. She walks in and turns around when she hears a knock. It's a tall, dark, handsome man.)

R: Mr. Wickham?

WICK: You must be Mrs. Hart. I'm Mike Wickham.

(He has a British accent. Reba looks him up and down. Zing.)

R: Please call me Reba.

(He looks at her as well. Finally, Reba recovers.)

R: Well, let's get started. This is the great room.

WICK: Big.

R: Yeah.

WICK: Plenty of room for a party.

R: Oh, you entertain?

WICK: Oh, you think that I'm…? No, no, I couldn't afford a house in this neighborhood. It's for my boss. She needs a home in Houston since this market is booming. She's spending so much on hotel bills, it would be less expensive to pay a mortgage every month.

R: And she trusts you enough to buy a house for her?

WICK: I have excellent taste. I grew up surrounded with beautiful architecture and interiors.

(They walk into the kitchen. Mike looks around.)

WICK: Well, it's not as big as her staff is accustomed to, but if the rest of the house measures up, that can be overlooked.

R: What kind of company do you work for?

WICK: I sell pharmaceuticals.

R: Oh, you're a drug pusher.

WICK: Yep, you call 'em like you see 'em. It wasn't my first choice, but it's a decent salary and benefits.

R: A lot of us have to work, Mr.Wickham. There's no shame in doing what you have to do to feed your family.

WICK:Well, I don't have one…yet. Someday, though. You?

R: Oh, boy, do I. Let's get on with the tour or we'll be here all morning.

WICK: You know what? I really don't think that would bother me.

(Reba is at a loss for words.)

WICK: But I know you have other clients. May I see the upstairs?

(They go upstairs. She lets him go first so she can check out the rear view. She smiles to herself.)

R: Does your boss have kids?

WICK: Sometimes.

R: Sometimes?

WICK: Joint custody. And they're not yet school age so they go back and forth a lot.

R: Poor things.

WICK: Yeah, and she has a full-time nanny when they're with her. She works 14 hour days, so I know she never sees them. I don't get it. I mean, why did she have them when she knew she would never see them? Those kids are treated like pets.

R: You seem to feel strongly about this.

WICK: It's because that's the way I was brought up. My parents were always working, so I pretty much lived at my parents' best friends' house. They were really like my parents.

R: Well, as you can see, there's room for three kids up here. Two share a bath and one has a bath to themselves.

WICK: Perfect; she has an older daughter and two younger sons.

R: Then the bonus room is here at the end of the hall.

WICK: Last thing: I need to see the master bath. She wants to make sure there's room for a whirlpool tub.

(They go down the stairs and into the master bedroom.)

WICK: Oh, this has great potential. Nice crown moulding. I think she might not have to repaint either.

R: You sure know a lot about architectural details for a drug pusher. Just where exactly did you grow up?

WICK: Derbyshire in England on a great estate owned by my parents' friends, the Darcys.

R: The Darcys, did you say?

WICK: Yes, why?

R: It's odd. I've just met another British man from England who's here visiting a friend, and his name is Darcy.

WICK: Will Darcy?

R: Yes.

(Mike turns around and scratches his chin. Reba likes the way his jaw clinches when he is serious. Yum.)

WICK: Can't seem to shake him. He hounds me like a Bassett. Grew up with him, but we had disagreements on what I should do with my life and we parted ways. I haven't spoken with him in years.

R: This is a coincidence. I mean, you could have been anywhere in the southwest…

WICK: Midwest is my territory.

R: And you both end up in Houston at this particular time.

WICK: He has connections everywhere. He has been known to track me down to demand I go back to school or I do this or do that.

R: But why should he care what you do if you two don't get along?

(Mike sighs and rakes his fingers through his straight brown hair. Reba almost swoons.)

WICK: With Darcy,it's a power thing. When we were at Oxford, he wouldn't allow me to date who I wished. They had to be the "right" girls. He even scolded me like a mother one day when I slept through class after a grueling night of studying. From the time we were boys, he was allowed to have control over me, and he can't stop it. Now, he won't give me my share of his father's inheritance, which would set me up in business for myself.

That's always been my dream - to own my own software company. I have the knowledge; I have the ideas. I just need the capital. And he knows that once he sets me loose, I will be successful on my own. I will make the money, instead of having it handed to me on a silver platter like he's had. And it just kills him.

R: I knew he was haughty and cold, but I didn't realize he was so downright mean.

WICK: I've learned to accept my station in life. It's not bad.

(He walks into the bath.)

WICK: Already has a six foot whirlpool tub. Good.

R: But you could be so much more with the inheritance. Why don't you just ask him again? Or get a lawyer to…

WICK: I've tried, Reba, but my part-time barristers can't compete with his hard-hitting top-ten law firm guys. I can't buy a verdict. He can.

R: That's just not fair.

WICK: That's life.

(He whirls around)

WICK: What's the asking price?

R: Don't you want to see the backyard?

WICK: My boss never goes outside. As a matter of fact, she may never see this house in the light of day.

R: What about the kids?

WICK: They're never home either. Nanny's got them at cheerleading practice or baseball or violin or whatever.

(Reba scratches her head.)

R: When do they get to just play?

WICK: Beats me. Alright, I'm ready to dicker. Are you?

R: You kidding? It's my favorite part.

Scene Twelve

INT: REBA'S KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON

(BJ is cooking supper again as Reba walks in from work. Jake is doing homework at the table. Henry is playing a hand held video game beside him.)

R: Not again! Barbara Jean, you can't keep staying here to hide from your problems!

J: 86 it, Mom! She's grilling steaks out back!

HENRY: Mom's steaks are the best. Dad burns everything. Except toast. He can make toast.

(BJ looks at Reba and stops stirring the mashed potatoes.)

BJ: Something happened to you today, didn't it, Reba? I can tell. Something good.

R: Yes, I just sold another house.

BJ: No, it's more than that…it's love. You found a man willing to go out with you!

R: Have you ever recorded yourself and listened to the playback?

J: Barbara Jean, how do I plug the function of an unknown into an equation?

(BJ puts down her spoon, takes Jake's pencil, and writes on his paper.)

J: Oh. Thanks.

(Reba looks at BJ as if she's just grown an extra head.)

BJ: I was captain of the Math Team at my high school. We won State my senior year. Then that tramp Cassy Pearlman took over the year after I graduated and ruined our reputation.

R: You were captain of a math team?

BJ: Face it, Peaches. You just really don't know everything there is to know about good old Barbara Jean. Now, dish. Who is he, where'dya meet, what does he do?

(Jake grabs his homework and turns to Henry.)

J: Blech, Henry, they're doing girl talk.

HENRY: But I wanna stay.

J: They'll be talking about kissing!

H: I don't mind kissing girls.

J: Neither do I. In fact, it's very pleasant.

(Reba and BJ look at each other and grin.)

J: But do you really want to imagine somebody kissing your mother or your stepmother?

(Henry runs out screaming.)

J: We'll be upstairs.

R: Thanks, Jake.

J: Anytime, Mom.

(Lorri Ann knocks on the door.)

R: Well, look what the cat drug up!

(They hug.)

LA: Yeah, it wasn't all bad. Got to see Charlie every fifteen minutes and I lost ten pounds. But I tell you what, I was ready to slap that sister back to North Carolina. The only reason she came was to try to get Will. But he ain't bitin'. The man may be cold and heartless, but he ain't stupid.

R: No, but Will Darcy is even more cold and heartless than we thought. Let me tell you the story of Mike Wickham.

BJ: Aha! So it is a man!

LA: I just loves me a good man stow-ree.


	7. Chapter 7

Mr.Darcy Does Houston Part 7

Reba Screenplay Chap 13-16

Scene 13

INT: CHARLIE'S HOUSE- EVENING PARTY

(The band, dressed in street wear, is playing a pleasantly danceable fusion of country and big band with hints of alternative rock and hip-hop. Guests are in formal wear. Some dance ballroom, some dance apart, but everyone claps when they finish one song. They cheer when another song begins. Reba arrives in a seafoam green floor-length gown with a small fishtail train. Lorri Ann is standing close to the door, where Charlie is greeting guests. Reba says her hellos to Charlie and Caroline, then goes over to Lorri Ann.)

LA: You look ab fab, lady! Could it be because you expect a certain drug pusher to show up?

R: Are you sure Charlie invited him?

LA: Oh, yes; I saw his invitation myself and Caroline made a point of putting it in the mail. She's so afraid you're going to steal Will from her she wants to make sure you have a better option.

R: Whatever gave her that idea?

LA: It's just that he seems to perk up when you are mentioned in conversation. Tries to pretend that he's not.

R: That's just so he can get ammunition to use against me. Pompous donkey. But I refuse to let him spoil my night. Where is the scrumptious Mr. Wickham?

LA: I haven't seen him come in yet, but I did run to get a drink for a couple of minutes.

R: Aren't you going to mingle?

LA: No, I want to make sure I'm available and right in his face so Caroline can't force him to dance the first one with someone else.

(Reba smiles and winds through the crowded rooms searching for Mike. In a hall, Barbara Jean grabs her by both hands and pulls her into a powder room where it's quieter.)

R: Barbara Jean, why-

BJ: I just overheard Van say he heard Mike wasn't coming due to business.

R: Business? On a Saturday night? That's the lamest excuse I've heard in a long time.

BJ: That's what I thought, too. Only I think he really doesn't want to show since Will Darcy is here.

(Reba's face falls.)

R: Oh, yeah. Crap!

BJ: But cheer up, Reba-Roo! I found somebody for you to dance with!

R: Don't tell me it's Harry the Hump.

BJ: No, me!

R: Uh, Barbara Jean, that was OK in sixth grade when you were too scared to dance with boys. You're married, and I'm not gay. Not happening.

BJ: Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

(BJ pulls her out of the powder room and toward the ballroom. Reba tries to wrench her hand away, but BJ has an iron grip.)

R: Ow, Barbara Jean!

(Reba finally struggles and jerks her hands free, only to accidentally hit Darcy, who has come up behind them, in the chest.)

D: Oof!

(Reba twirls around.)

R: Mr.Darcy! I'm so sorry.

D: Quite all right. Mrs. Hart, would you give me the next dance?

R: Uh, well, I wasn't… I mean I'm not really… OK.

(Darcy holds out his gloved hand. Reba gives BJ a quick "Help me" look, but BJ just smiles wildly. Reba takes his hand, glances at him warily, and he leads her to the floor. The dance is a fox trot, which Reba remembers how to do. She is flushed and obviously having difficulty remaining composed, so she talks to cover herself.)

R: I thought you said you didn't dance, Mr. Darcy.

D: I usually don't.

(There was a period of several seconds of silence.)

R: Well, we need to talk about something.

D: All right, please tell me what you want to discuss.

R: Well it doesn't have to be existential philosophy; anything will do. I could say something about the dance, like, "I'm glad I remember how to do the foxtrot." Then you could say something like, "This place is as packed as a Jimmy Dean sausage."

(Darcy smiles slightly.)

D: Do you usually talk the whole time you are dancing with someone?

R: Heck, no, I'd rather bite my lips and make him think I can't stand his guts. Makes it so much more interesting, don't you think?

(They dance a little longer, looking at each other now and then.)

D: Tell me, do you ever show houses in your own neighborhood?

R: Sure, if I can. As a matter of fact, I showed one the other day to a new client. He was very obliging and easy to talk to.

D: Oh,yes, Mr.Wickham is such a "hail fellow, well met" that everyone immediately becomes fast friends with him. Now, whether he can keep friends or not is an entirely different matter.

R: Well, I heard you were the one that dumped him as a friend.

D: And for very good reasons.

R: Those reasons would have to be pretty convincing to rationalize holding a man's future for ransom.

D: Mrs. Hart, you have no idea what you are talking about.

R: That's what you think. Why do you care what Mr. Wickham does with his life? Don't you have enough to do in your own life?

D: Why are you questioning me like a prosecuter?

R: I want to find out what kind of man you are, Mr. Darcy.

D: And what conclusions have you drawn?

R: None at all. You are a complete puzzle to me.

D: Well, then, I will try to make my motives more transparent in the future.

(They look at each other, Darcy struggling not to appear like a schoolboy, mad at himself for paying her attention, and Reba angry and disgusted yet strangely drawn to him. The dance ends, she nods curtly and walks away. In another room, Van is arm wrestling a waiter for the last shrimp. Barbara Jean and Brock are sniping loudly in another room as a crowd looks on, and Cheyenne has fallen off the wagon and is doing karaoke in the study with one of the band members. Reba goes through the house, seeing her wacko family. She winces in embarrassment, takes a deep breath, and steps up to Cheyenne to take her home.)

Scene 14

INT: REBA'S DEN - EVENING

(Reba is relaxing after work on the couch with a book and a glass of wine. BJ comes downstairs.)

R: So what did he say?

BJ: Who?

R: Brock, your husband. You were going to give him an ultimatum to let you back in the house or throw him to the piranha divorce lawyers.

BJ: Oh, yeah, that. Well, I think I'll do that anyway. I called a lawyer today.

R: So you think it's really over.

BJ: Oh, yeah; it's been over for months. I just didn't want to upset Henry.

R: Upset Henry? As if he's not upset with ya'll fighting every day?

BJ: Well, anyway, it's done and I wondered if I could keep on staying here until I get a place…and you could find me one, and …

R: BJ, I have had enough of you and you have had enough of me. If you stay any longer our so-called friendship will be seriously damaged.

BJ: But Reba, I could never have too much of you. You are the single most stable thing in my life besides Henry's Cocoa Puffs.

(Reba pauses.)

R: You know, that's really very pitiful. But I still can't allow you to stay any longer. I have a great condo in a wonderful school district that's right in your price range and convenient to your work.

(BJ frowns and studies Reba.)

BJ: Y'know what we need?

R: I know what YOU need. A box of Cocoa Puffs up your-

BJ: We need a girls' week off!

R: I don't take entire weeks off, Barbara Jean. And if I did I wouldn't spend it with you.

BJ: (ignoring Reba totally) I'll go call the station now and ask off for next month, and then I'll book us into a suite at the Venetian in Las Vegas! We can shop during the day and go to shows at night. I've always wanted to see a famous country western singer live in Las Vegas!

R: Not me. I think those shows are way over-produced.

BJ: So how about two weeks from this coming Friday?

R: No, Barbara Jean.

BJ: You know you need a vaca.

R: No,Barbara Jean.

BJ: Oh, right; it's too expensive on your little salary. I can pay for you and you don't even have to repay me.

R: Do you have potatoes in your ears, Barbara Jean? I- said – no.

BJ: But, Reba…

R: (yelling) No, no,no,no!

(Reba grabs her palm and spells out "NO." Then ,she grabs a handful of pretzels and spelssit out on the coffee table. Than, she gets air freshner and sprays in the air "N-O." She spells it out in sofa cushions and pillows. She spells it out in potpourri. Finally, she runs upstairs yelling it.)

BJ: Well, somebody will go with me.

(BJ exits.)

Scene 15

INT: LORRI ANN'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON

(Reba walks in in her work clothes. Lorri Ann is sitting at the kitchen island counter, drinking.)

R: I came as soon as I finished showing a house,Lorri Ann. What happened?

LA: The lovely Caroline Bingely e-mailed me that she could not make our lunch date she had set up at the Club because she and Charles were headed back to Atlanta and may not return to Houston.

R: "May not return?" That's ridiculous. Charlie loves you.What did Charlie say?

LA: He has not called; he has not written. He has not communicated with me at all since the night of the dance.

R: This smells like Caroline.

LA: No doo-doo, Dudley.

R: Well, you'll just have to go to Atlanta and hunt him down.

LA: Caroline will still have him under her thumb.

R: But she can't be with him constantly. Do you have his e-mail?

LA: Sure, but who knows; she may have a spy thing going.

R: Go to Atlanta . E-mail Charlie and Charlie only. Let him know where you are. He loves you. He will ignore Caroline and find you. Do it.

LA: Go with me?

R: Gotta work, Lorri Ann. My divorce didn't leave me with 20 million.

LA: Oh, yeah. I forgot. Hey, is Barbara Jean still at your place?

R: No, I found her a condo and kicked her out. Haven't heard from her in two days. I haven't felt this good since I was on Wellbutrin.

(Reba picks up her purse.)

R(cont): Now, go sleep off your Jack Daniels, then get up and pack.

LA: Yes, Reba.

R: Charlie loves you. I know that. And I'm always right.

LA: Damn straight.

(LA starts to take another sip. R grabs the glass.)

R: Upstairs,woman. No more booze. Charlie's a-waitin'!

Scene 16

INT: REBA'S KITCHEN- MORNING

(Jake is clearing the breakfast table. BJ walks in without knocking with Henry.)

BJ: Morning,Jake.Where's Reba?

J: Upstairs dressing. She'll be down in a minute.

(Just then, Reba walks in dressed for work.)

R: Barbara Jean, I'm about to go to work; I can't talk. Jake, it's time for the bus. Go on outside.

J: Yes ma'am.

R: Good luck on your history test.

(Jake slings his backpack over one shoulder and leaves.)

BJ: I'm not staying. I just came to tell you that I'm going to Vegas alone.

(Reba stops andstaresatBJ)

R: That doesn't sound like a good idea.

BJ: Why? I wantto have fun. No one wants to go with me. I can find other people who want to have fun there.

R: Barbara Jean, Vegas is not the sort of place you go to in order to find safe, healthy,wholesome, like-minded individuals to hang out with. You are not thinking straight. What about Henry?

BJ: Brock's keeping him. I'm taking Henry over there right now.And Brock thinks it's a good idea. He thinks I need to go have a good time for once. And I would think as my best friend you'd be happy for me.

R: Barbara Jean, Vegas is a fun place for a couple or a group, but as a single woman, you are basically asking to get picked up and used.

BJ: That might be nice for once. Look, Reba. You have an entire family who think you hung the moon. I won't ever have that. I want one week where I can have people think I'm something special. So don't preach to me about wholesome activities. I've had it with wholesome. Wholesome has not worked for me. I'm going back to nasty, at least for a week, and I'm not going to listen to your preaching. Goodbye.

(BJ leaves with Henry and slams the door. Reba just stands there for a minute taking that scene in, then looks at her watch and walks out the door to work.)


	8. Chapter 8

Mr.darcy Does Houston Part Whatever'sNext

Scene 17

EXT: ANOTHER NEIGHBORHOOD PARTY, EVENING

Kyra's band is playing. Kyra's voice is totally unlike her mom's. It's sultry, but with a great range. Reba whistles as she finishes the set. Kyra immediately goes to a group of guys Reba doesn't know. Reba walks around and finds Mr. Wickham.

MIKE: Ah, the inimitable Mrs. Hart! Your daughter certainly is one to watch. For such a youngster, she has the entertaining instincts of a mature singer. I really enjoyed her performance!

Reba smiles.

REBA: Thanks. But I sure miss her at home. Between college during the school year and touring in the summer and on holidays, I never see her unless I go to a performance. Speaking of which, I haven't seen you around much lately.

MIKE: Yeah, busy, busy. Hey, how about a drink after work on Monday?

REBA: How about you and me go get something to eat besides ribs now?

Mike looks around. One woman, a bit young, winks at him. Reba eyes him.

REBA: Oh, OK, well,never mind.

MIKE: She's just flirting, Reba. She's much too young and too rich for me. She would never give me the time of day. So let's blow this place!

Reba looks at him for a moment.

REBA: Sure?

MIKE: Oh, yeah.

Scene 18

INT: RESTAURANT- LATER

It's a dumpy little Chinese place. The owner comes over and speaks to Mike in Mandarin. He answers.

REBA: How'd you ever find this place?

MIKE: I stayed at the Motel 6 across the street one night.

REBA: Where'd you learn Mandarin?

MIKE: Princeton.

REBA: Dang.Why are you going out with me? I didn't even finish college.

MIKE: Brains are more than school.

REBA: Well, thanks. So what did you study at Princeton?

MIKE: Oh, this and that.

REBA: No, really.

MIKE: I don't want to talk about school. I want to talk about you, Reba.

R:Well, I happen to be an expert in that subject.What would you like to know?

M: What makes you tick?

R:What do you mean?

M: Your passions, your hopes, your dreams.

R:Simple, really. I want Kyra to go to college,even though she doesn't want to. I wantVan and Cheyenne to get less dependent on me, though I don't really look forward to them not being around. I want Jake to be happy and healthy and do well in school.

M: That's about your kids.I mean you.

R: Um, I want to be able to keep my job so I can support everyone. I want to help my clients find homes they love and help other clients sell their homes for what they're asking.

M:Still about other people. What do you want, Reba?

R: I haven't really thought about that. I guess I don't really dream a lot.

M: I bet you do. At night. When you're asleep.

Mike leans forward

R: Well, I wouldn't know. I'm unconscious.

Mike stares at her a minute.

M: I'd like to be in one of those dreams.

Reba squirms and colors a little.

R: Hmmm.Well…

M: I'm sorry. I made you uncomfortable. Are you ready to go home?

R: No, no; it's just I don't get that much. But, yeah, let's go back to my place. I have some Madeira that's a great nightcap.

Scene 19

EXT: REBA'S PORCH

They walk up hand in hand.

R: Um, Mike, Jake's here. Maybe this isn't such a great idea.

M: I'm not going to just attack you, Reba.

R: It's not you I'm worried about.

M: Look, I have no intentions of anything happening besides just a few really nice kisses. I give you my word that I won't let it go any further.

R: Even if I am just so sexy and forward that it's about to kill you?

Mike holds up three fingers together.

M: Scout's honor.

They walk into the kitchen. Reba gets the wine out of the pantry and pours them each a third of a glass. Mike looks at it, then looks at her.

R: You have to drive home.

M: Right.

Mike moves to go back into the den. Reba sits at the kitchen table.

M: Okay…

R: So, how long are you in town?

M: Leaving tomorrow for Austin, then Lubbock, then Okie City. But I can be back here any weekend…

R: How do you stand not having a real home?

M: Used to it ever since Darcy kicked me out.

R: I just don't see how anyone could be so unfeeling to a childhood friend. Well, basically, a brother. I think he's jealous of your good looks and sparkling personality.

M: Sparkling, is it? That sounds just a little …

R: OK, OK. Charismatic.

M: Oh, yeah,I like that lots better.

He leans over and kisses her softly on the lips. She responds, reaches up to stroke his hair, then stops herself. He touches that hand and places it on his hair. Then he puts his hand behind her neck and begins to stand up with her. His other hand goes to the small of her back, then wanders down to her rear. She immediately pulls away.

R: I thought you said "scout's.." Oh. You're not…

He gives her a wicked look and reaches for her.

R: Oh, no; we're not starting this with a fourteen –year- old boy in the house.

M: So if it weren't for Jake…

R: Just – don't go there.

Mike looks at the floor.

M: Dang, Reba.

R: Sorry. That's just the way it is. Guess I shouldn't have had you in.

M: Regretting the kiss?

R: Oh, no.

M: Can I call you?

R: Can I call you?

M: Dinner Saturday? I'll make sure I'm back in town.

R: Pick me up at seven?

M: See you then.

He gives her a peck on the lips and she opens the door for him, shuts it, and leans back on it and closes her eyes.

R: Mmm, mm,mmm, that was fine!

Scene 20

INT.: REBA'S KITCHEN, AFTERNOON

Reba walks in from work just as her phone is ringing.

R: Hello?

LA: (voice-over) Reba Nell!

R: Lorri Ann, how's Atlanta?

LA: Eh, so-so.

R: Have you seen the hunky Mr.Bingley?

LA: Neither hide nor hair. Caroline sniffed me out. She's changed his e-mail, his cell phone. I swear, Reba, I'm now convinced he was never interested in me in the first place. I was just a dalliance.

R: Horse feathers, Lorrie Ann. He loves you. He's just weak-minded. And that harpie of a sister has brainwashed him.

LA: I'm coming home, Reba.

R: Aww,Lorrie Ann.

LA: I'll be back this weekend. I'll call you when I get in.

R: Girls' night out; I promise. Just not Saturday. I have a date with the lovely Mike Wickham!

LA: You go,girl! Call me Sunday!

Reba hangs up. Then Brock knocks on the back door. She opens it and he walks in slowly, eyeing her.

R: Brock? What's wrong?

B: It's BJ. She's sent for Henry. She's taken a job as a weather girl in Las Vegas.

R: Las Vegas? There is no weather in Las Vegas. What's she gonna do? "Oh, well, it's hot and dry again folks; guess I'll go gamble."

B: I'm concerned for Henry. It's not the environment I want him brought up in.

R: No joke. Well, can you fight for custody? Surely you can win that one.

B: Nope, I don't want to drag him through that, and besides, she's willing for us to have joint custody. He needs both of us.

R: (sighs) Nothing is easy in this family, is it? Well, Brock, I'll be praying for all of you. Sheesh, Las Vegas.

B: I was thinking about flying out there this weekend to see Henry.

R: Great idea.

Brock pauses a beat.

B: Want to come?

Reba gives him "The Look."

R: What kind of mo-ron do you think I am?

B: BJ would love to see you.

R: Besides the fact that I don't want to go anywhere with you and the fact that I have three houses to show, what would BJ think if we came together?

B: Who cares? We're getting a divorce.

R: That totally does not matter. We are divorced, too, AND I don't want to even give the appearance of doing her the same way she did me.

B: Reba, you're such a slave to your conventions.

R: Well, at least I stand for something. Except I really would like to see Brooks and Dunn at The Venetian… No, no, no, I can't, I really can't.

B: We can fly on separate airplanes. Sleep in separate hotels.

R: I have to work! I have three clients breathing down my neck!

B: Send 'em to Van!

R: Van doesn't have time.

B: Uh, yeah, he does. He just tells you he doesn't. He goes fishing every Saturday and hunting every Sunday.

R: What?!? That sneak!! He always said he was showing houses.

B: SO? Will you go now?

R: Why else should I go?

B: Because you really want to see Brooks and Dunn and I can get you front row seats thanks to my dental buying group.

Reba looks at him from under hooded eyes.

R: Front row? Are you serious?

Brock's eyebrows go up and he leans toward her.

B: And backstage passes!

Reba's eyes widen and she licks her lips. Her eyes glaze over and she whispers.

R: Backstage passes?

B: I'll e-mail your tickets by 9 tonight. Go ahead and pack, 'cause it'll be a red-eye, I'm sure, since it's last minute.

Brock leaves. Reba is standing there dreamily. Suddenly, she snaps out of it and grabs the phone.

R: Van. I've got three hot properties I need you to show for me this weekend…you can have the commission. I'm going to Vegas to meet Brooks and Dunn!


	9. Chapter 9

Mr Darcy Does Houston Scenes 21-23

SCENE 21

INT: BJ's apartment in Vegas. MORNING

Henry is playing a video game in his pajamas. Barbara Jean still has on gym shorts and her sleep shirt that says "Death To Golf" on it. She's on the couch drinking coffee.

BJ: Who in the heck is that thing with the face of a robot and the body of a lion? And why is that snake thing eating the head of that man? (She flinches) Oh my – geez, what is this rated? I thought it said PG on the front.

HENRY: Mom, video game and movie ratings are totally different, duh.

BJ: So what does PG mean? Pretty Gross? Turn that thing off. Here, watch some old westerns where the cowboys and Indians massacre each other. That's wholesome entertainment.

(The Doorbell rings. BJ looks at her watch and panics at her appearance.)

BJ: What the- it's only ten in the morning. Vegas just went to sleep an hour ago.

(She looks through the peephole and squeals.)

BJ: It's Reba! She did come!

(She opens the door,ready to hug Reba, but Brock has stepped in front.)

BJ: Oh, hi.

B: I came to visit Henry.

BJ: 'Course. Go on in.

(She pulls Reba in and gives her a big hug.)

R: Hey, hey, watch the coffee. I just bought this blouse.

BJ: How long are you gonna stay?

R: Just the long weekend. Brock's got me andyou tickets to Brooks and Dunn tomorrow night!

BJ: Perfect, because the next night, you are coming with me to the home of the President of the National Beanie Baby Association!

R: Oh, I don't think that'd be my cup of tea,Barbara Jean…

BJ: Reba, you have to. I talk about you all the time. She would never forgive me if I let it slip that you were here and I didn't bring you to see her. She's really, really smart and has connections allover the world. Her house is more like a villa, really, or a ranch. The architect that designed it studied in Spain.

R: Spain as in Europe or Spain as in a tiny little town in southeastern Mississippi?

BJ: You're such a breath of fresh air, Reba, I've missed you. Since I went away, I've had time to reflect on our friendship and I cherish it more than ever. I think back on bygone times. Remember the time when I came over to borrow a cup of sugar and ended up staying all weekend because we were having so much fun?

R: BJ, that was weekend before last, and you did leave but you picked the lock on the back door and slept on the couch.

SCENE 22

INT: INSIDE A CAB – DUSK

(BJ and Reba's cab approaches a huge complex in the middle of the desert. It looks like an authentic Mexican mission until they turn into the access road. Then neon lights turn on which outline the entire roofline. Neon cacti come up out of the ground. Mariachi music begins to blare through speakers. A light and water show begins in the fountain out front.)

BJ: Isn't it just to die for?

R: Looks like probably some poor stone mason did.

BJ: Now, Reba, don't worry that you're wearing jeans. You've still got on a really nice blouse and Betty likes to be the best-dressed person in the room. She'll appreciate the fact that you dressed down for her.

R: For cryin' out l-

BJ: OO, here's the butler!

(They are shown into a spacious room decorated in lavish Rococco style and told to wait there.)

R: Outside Mission and inside Baroque?

BJ: Betty has been all over the world with Beanie babies and likes her home to remind visitors of that fact.

R: BJ, have you actually taken the time to study the house of the Beanie Baby President?

BJ: Oh, yeah. I asked her if I could set up a tour and be her docent, but she's not ready for that yet. She wants to add a Mediterranean wing, and then she'll start tours.

(The butler motions for them to come in. Betty George is seated on a chair that looks as close to a throne as Reba has ever seen.)

BJ: Mrs. George, this is my best friend, Reba Hart. Reba,this is Mrs. Betty George.

(Reba holds out her hand, but BG doesn't take it)

BG: Pleased to meet you. Barbara Jean seems to think you hung the moon.

R: Nope, I just straightened it up a bit

(BJ and Reba laugh, but BG stays stone-faced.)

BG: Please sit down. Maria, get these ladies a lemonade.

(A maid nods without a word and practically runs from the room.) Now, Reba, what kind of houses do you sell? I hope you don't sell those horrid spec houses they're throwing up all over the country like so many cereal boxes on the grocery shelves.

R: I sell many different kinds of homes, Mrs.George, depending on the needs of my clients.

BG: Hmmm. And what do these homes sell for?

R: Excuse me?

BG: Do you have any really important clients who buy estates, or do you piddle in common houses.

R: Yes, I sell homes to average people. I have no rich or famous clients.

BG: Well, you are just beginning, so keep working and you may get the big fish one day.

(Suddenly, a door opens, and in walks Will Darcy. Reba starts.)

R: Mr. Darcy?

Darcy: Mrs.Hart? What are you doing here?

R: I'm with Barbara Jean. And you?

D: Mrs. George is my aunt, my late mother's sister. I help with the taxes and estate planning once a year.

BG: Barbara Jean tells me you have a strong singing voice, Mrs. Hart. Let us hear it.

R: Well,I generally don't…there's no accompaniment…

BJ: Oh, come on, Reba. You can sing anywhere.

BG: There's a piano over there in the alcove. My nephew plays very well.

D: I doubt that Mrs. Hart and I know any of the same songs, Aunt Betty.

BG: Then play The Star Spangled Banner. Everybody knows that song. But not everyone can sing it because it requires such range and power.

R: I haven't sung that in years.

BJ: Fiddle-dee-dee, Reba. Come on!

BG: You're probably right. Age does have a way of compromising the talents we love the most – or of exposing those we thought we had to the truth.

(Darcy and Reba eye each other and walk over to the piano. Darcy gives her a brief intro, then Reba launches into the first bar with gusto. After "The rockets' red glare," Darcy stops playing and lets Reba go. She doesn't let them down and by the last note, BJ and Darcy are on their feet yelling. BG is still sitting, but is looking rather sheepish.)

BG: Well, Mrs.Hart, you seem to have been practicing more than you let on. Let's see, you live in Houston. My nephew was in Houston a couple of months ago. He said you and he were at some of the same parties. Tell me, Mrs.Hart, how did my nephew behave there?

(Darcy can't keep his eyes off Reba though he is visibly attempting to look away every once in a while.)

R: Well, I hate to tell you, but he was not at all friendly. At parties, he stood over to one side and kept with his friend Charlie.

BG: Will, you've been taught better than that! How will you ever do business or meet eligible women I do not know.

D: Trust me, Aunt Betty, there was no one at either of these parties you would want me to do business with, let alone marry. Plus, I didn'tknow anyone.

R: Oh, right, and the cops will come and arrest you if you try to introduce yourself to someone at a party. Several people, including me, tried to talk to you, and you cut us off.

D: I don't know how to talk to strangers.

R: Take your Aunt's advice and practice.

SCENE 22

INT: BJ's APARTMENT – morning

(Reba is checking her e-mail when a knock comes at the door. She checks through the peephole. It is Mr. Darcy. She frowns and opens the door.)

R: Mr. Darcy?

D: Will, please. (He is not smiling.)

R: What's wrong?

D: Nothing. Nothing at all. I just came to visit.

R: YOU came to visit Barbara Jean and me?

D: And Brock.

R: They took Henry to a playground. Thank God, because I was about to take my palm to his backside.

D: He's a bit wild, I understand.

R: Wild doesn't touch him. Well, come on in. Might as well at least give you a drink since you made the trip over.

(She hands him a soft drink from the refrigerator.)

D: Thank you. I need a diversion from my aunt's constant corrections and advice.

R: She does seem to have very strong opinions.

D: So do you, but at least you temper those with good judgement and compassion for others.

R: If she rubs you the wrong way, why do you visit here very year?

D: My mother was so very unlike her sister, but did not trust her to find close financial advisers who wouldn't milk her of her retirement. Aunt Betty is rich, but she is stupid with money.

R: I admire your family loyalty, but I just couldn't put up with that kind of busy-body.

D: Oh, come on, Reba. You have Barbara Jean.

R: I didn't ask for her. And I try my best to get rid of her.

D: So you come all the way to Las Vegas to show her how much you hate her. We both have our obligations.

(There is silence for a few moments. Darcy finishes his drink, looks at her, puts his hands into his pockets, seems about to say something, doesn't, takes his hands out of his pockets and wrings them.)

R: Is there something you want to say, Will?

(Darcy colors at her use of his first name)

D: No, I just…I mean, you…well…

(BJ, Henry, and Brock walk in.)

BJ: Will! Look, Brock, it's Will!

Brock : Yeah, I see.

D: Well, it's good to see you all, but I have to get back. The accountants will be at my aunt's house soon.

(He leaves.)

B: Accountants? It's Sunday. Every accountant I know is not even finished with the front nine yet.

BJ: Yeah, what's his deal? Oh, were you ugly to him, Reba?

R: I said nothing to him.

BJ: Something's up. You did something to him, Reba.

R: He's just sick of his aunt and had to get out of the house.

BJ: As if my apartment is the only place for diversion in Las Vegas?

R: You know as well as I do that man has a butt where his head should be. Who knows why he came here? The desert and that Beanie Baby Betty may be driving him insane. Now let's get ready for our date with Brooks and Dunn!


	10. Chapter 10

Mr Darcy 24-25

SCENE 24

INT: BJ'S APARTMENT – NOON

(Brock and Henry walk in, calling for the ladies.)

Brock: BJ, Reba! Are ya'll not up yet? Geez,it's noon!

(Reba runs in holding her head)

R: Shhhh! Stop yellin'!

Henry: We were not yellin'. You're just hung over.

Brock: Is BJ OK?

R: Nothing that a little "Hair of the Dog" won't cure.

B: So I take it you girls had a good time.

R: That doesn't begin to describe it. We went out with the band after the concert. I haven't laughed so hard in so long. What did you guys do this morning?

B: Well, Will Darcy came over here again. At nine AM.

R: God! What's his deal?

B: He was bragging about how he kept Bingely from making the biggest mistake of his life by marrying your friend Lorrie Ann.

(Reba does a double take.)

R: He WHAT?

B: That's what he said. I thought it was that b – um, witch Caroline who did it but apparently it was all Darcy.

R: Poor Bingely! He follows Darcy around like a puppy! This is really the last straw. And Lorrie Ann has been heartsick. So not only did Darcy ruin the future of Mike Wickham, but he has destroyed the love of two dear people for no reason except to exercise his own power over them.

(Reba grabs her purse.)

R: BJ, get down here! You're taking me back to the crazy beanie lady, and it ain't to see the Beanie Baby Museum!

BJ: ( from offstage) If you're onawarpath,get a cab. I'mup for beanie baby VicePresident, and I will not sully the home of my Queen! Get a cab!

R: Of all the – Fine! Geez, I have to do everything by myself all the time…I get so sick of it…sick, sick,SICK!

(She stalks out the door,grumbling)

SCENE 25

EXT: The entrance to Beanie Baby Villa – afternoon

(Reba pays the cabbie, who drives away. She starts up the drive and is met by a blue '65 Aston-Martin with the top down, driven by Will Darcy.)

D: Reba! What are you doing here?

R: I need to talk to you. Please get out of your car.

(Darcy pulls over and gets out.)

D: I was coming to see you; I had to see you again.

(Reba's anger is overcome with curiosity. Darcy has the appearance of a forlorn puppy. His face has lost all its haughtiness. His eyes are sad, almost pleading. His palms are open in surrender. Reba allows him to go on.)

D: I have tried so hard with every fiber of my being to over come this. I have looked at it rationally from every angle and cannot make it work with my family, my connections, my money, or my hope for future generations, but it doesn't seem to matter. My heart is immovable and I cannot bear the struggle any longer.

R: What are you babbling about?

D: I can't eat; I can't sleep; I can't work. Every hour, every minute, every second is wholly consumed despite all my efforts and I am surrendering. You win, Reba.

R: I win what? Will, you're not making any-

D: I love you.

(Reba whitens and gulps.)

D: With everything that is in me, I love you. You are all I think about from the time I get up until I go to bed, but then I dream about you, too. I cannot imagine a world without you in it, so I am asking you, despite all the objections there will be from my family and business associates, and despite my own good judgment that tells me it's ridiculous, please would you end my torture and marry me. Here. Now. In Vegas.

(Reba closes her eyes, but her mouth stays open for a moment, wanting to respond immediately, but waiting for the words to form coherently first in her mind. Then she takes a deep breath.)

R: MR Darcy, I think the polite thing for me to do would be to say thank you and tell you that I'm flattered and that I am obliged to somehow let you down easy to spare your feelings. However, in this case, politeness is impossible. I never asked for your attention. As a matter of fact, I tried to discourage it as much as possible, and up until this weekend, you seemed to be doing the same. I'm sure your disgust of my low social standing will help you get over this crush very soon. I have no idea why you suddenly had this violent change of heart. I did nothing to do with it. And even if I had been interested for some ungodly reason, do you think anything could have tempted me to even have a date with the man who separated my best friend from the only man who she's ever truly loved and the only man who's ever been good enough for her?

D: Bingely is far and away a better person than Lorrie Ann.

R: How long have you known Bingely?

D: Five or six years.

R: Right. Lorrie Ann and I were in kindergarten together, Mr. Darcy. She may come across as a strong, brassy broad, but underneath, she's a shy sweetheart who's been stepped on by every man who's been with her since high school.

D: Then she needs to start matching her inner and outer selves.

R: But Lorrie-Ann's not the only problem I have with you. You also have ruined the future of apromising young software designer for no reason other than to feel your own power.

D: Oh,yeah, you just love Mike Wickham, don't you? Bless his little heart, he's just been wronged all his life.

R: Yes! By you!

D: You know nothing of the real Mike Wickham. You're just mad because your little pets aren't getting what they want. Talk about feeling your own power. Everyone in your family jumps when Reba says, "Boo!" I'm trying to be honest and open in admitting my misgivings about our relationship so we could start with no secrets.

R: Our "relationship?" What relationship? There will be none. From the day I met you at the barbeque, I have seen you snub people, insult people, and ignore people who may not have your money or influence, but have compassion for other humans besides themselves. You act as though simply because you have money and influence, I should jump into your arms and ride off into the sunset. Well, I am here to tell you that I'd just as soon jump into a trough full of snakes as marry you, or even date you for that matter.

(She turns to walk off, then realizes her cab is gone. She stops to use her cell. He waits until he's sure she has a ride coming, gets in his car, and drives back to the house.)

SCENE 26 

INT:LORRIE-ANN'S HOUSE- EVENING

LA: Well, that just about does me in. Will Darcy in love with you all this time and trying to hide it. I had a feeling…and then this e-mail about Mike Wickham. I mean, who is telling the truth here?

R: Well, Mike had no one to back up his claims, and at least Will had that dentist from Raleigh that Brock knows.

LA: But Mike doesn't have friends around here.

R: Right, because he's in debt up to his Joe Boxers. But no one around here knew. When Will wrote that e-mail, I pulled up Mike's credit report. He hasn't paid a credit card bill in 18 months.

LA: But what he did to little Georgia Darcy is monstrous. It's a blessing Darcy walked in on them before anything happened. She could have been pregnant at sixteen. I just feel like an idiot. I mean, he seems so nice.

R: YOU feel stupid? Lorrie-Ann, I've always been proud of my ability to judge character. And now I realize I'm as bad as Will. I was judging Mike on his appearance of goodness. It barbs me to say this, but it looks like Mike has all the appearance of goodness, but Will has at least some goodness which is real, even if he did break your heart.

(Reba's cell rings.)

R: Kyra? What? That's great, honey. Bye.

LA: What'd she want?

R: Her band got a really good tour this fall all over the south west and Midwest- Austin, Dallas, Lubbock, then up into Okie City, Lincoln, Des Moines, and ending in Chicago.

LA: Sounds great.

R: Yeah. I'll never see her again.


	11. Chapter 11

Fee Fo Final Chapter 11

SCENE 26B

INT: WILL DARCY'S CABIN IN NORTH CAROLINA – EVENING

(A twenty-something sits at a dining table. Darcy puts a plate in front of her.)

GEORGIA: I see your culinary skills are improving.

DARCY: You be the judge.

G: Only if you tell me what is going on with you, Will. You've been sulking all weekend. Does this have anything to do with that cute redhead from Houston?

D: No.

G: Oh, that was truly convincing, Will. Please tell me about her, then, if it's not her that upset you.

(Darcy sighs and knows he's caught.)

D: OK, Georgia, you win. Yes, it is the redhead. Her name is Reba and she won't get out of my head for some reason. There is no rational reason for me to even give her the time of day.

G: You're looking for a rational reason that she's on your mind? Such as?

D: Well, she is very clever. She's an avid reader. She thinks well on her feet and usually her remarks are thought through. I've never heard her malign anyone personally, though she takes people to task on their thought processes. She has a wonderfully earthy sense of humor, and an amazingly powerful and controlled singing voice. She has a successful business and many friends. I have seen her encourage shy people and stand up to verbal bullies.

G: Sounds like a perfectly rational woman.

D: But her family is a mess. Her ex-husband still hangs around with his new wife and they're having problems, surprise, surprise. She's got that twangy accent when she talks and often brings it into her singing as well, whining and sliding her lower jaw like she's chewing on beef jerky. Her daughter and son-in-law are not from the deep end of the gene pool, and frankly, that whole Barbara Jean obsession thing is just a little creepy to me.

(Georgia listens as he rambles, having no idea who these people are.)

G: I think you need to let me meet her.

D: That's not really possible. We didn't part on the best of terms.

G: Oh, Will, you didn't hurt her feelings?

D: I hurt hers; she hurt mine.

G: Surely not intentionally.

D: Georgia, I can't explain it; it's too complex.

(Georgia looks at him.)

D: She doesn't want me, Georgia.

G: I can't believe that she knows you, then. Any woman who really knows you would fall in love with you instantly.

(Darcy hugs his sister.)

D: Oh, Georgia, you're the perfect baby sister! But I insulted her. In my pride, I put down her entire family and made a preposterous presumption. I told her that despite my misgivings about her bizarre family and her lack of social connections, I wanted her to marry me. And I fully expected her to accept just because of who I am.

(Georgia pulls away during this recitation, then pops him on the arms when he's done.)

G: You pompous ass!

D: Yeah, that's what she should have called me, but she showed remarkable restraint.

G: Well,100 points for Reba and negative 10,000 for you.

D: Anyway, I wrote her an e-mail apologizing and attempting to explain why she needed to steer clear ofMike Wickham.

G: Oh, my goodness,was he about to…

D: Who knows, the letch. Anyway, I did all I could do. If she had forgiven me, she would have written back.

G: You feel unforgiven.

D: That, too, but mostly, I just want to know that she is happy and free of Wickham, that her life is going well and hopefully she bears no lasting scars from my mistakes.

(Georgia hugged him again, but without looking at him,says:)

G: You still love her, though, don't you?

(Darcy swallows and closes his eyes.)

D: Her hair is the most incredible mix of amber, gold, auburn, and cardamom. She has elegant hands – like a prima ballerina, but she's she hardest working woman I've ever met. Her eyes sparkle when she's intent on making a point. She has a quick smile, but when she's thinking and no one is watching, her lips part and I just…I'm just gone.

(He sighs and winces.)

D: Just…gone.

(Georgia looks at him finally.)

G: I'm so sorry, Will. But there's always hope.

D: I'm afraid not in this case. In what instance could I ever see her again? In what scenario would she even stoop to looking at me?

G: Never say never. Now tell me- what kinds of books does she like?

SCENE 27

EXT: BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAINS – FALL – THREE MONTHS LATER - AFTERNOON

(Reba, Cheyenne,Van, and Elizabeth and Baby Denver are at Mount Pisgah Park Restaurant)

R: The colors are incredible.

(Baby starts crying and Reba picks him up out of the high chair.)

CHEY: Mom, he's never going to stop crying if you pick him up whenever he starts.

R: We're in a public place, Cheyenne. You just don't let your baby ruin other people's dinners just to teach him a lesson.

ELIZABETH: Grammie, can we go to the gift shop?

V: I think somebody's got her eye on another Beanie Baby.

R: Don't say that word in my presence,Van.

(Reba stands up with the baby and takes E's hand.)

CHEY: Well, we did promise her one on this trip.

R: Let's let Mom and Dad have some together time.

(She takes them into the gift shop. Elizabeth heads straight for the stuffed animals. Reba hears an oddly familiar voice.)

D: Look, Georgia, they have a DVD of Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch! Let me get it for you!

(Their eyes meet at the same time. Georgia looks from one to the other, smiling.)

G: Will! Introduce me!

D: (recovering) Georgia, this is Reba Hart from Houston. Reba, this is my sister, Georgia Darcy.

R: I've heard so many wonderful things about you, Georgia. It's good to finally meet you.

D: And who is this young man?

R: This is my grandson, Denver Montgomery. My granddaughter Elizabeth is over there in the Beanie Babies.

(She sighs.)

D: Too much BJ influence?

R: No, I'm afraid that was just some twisted mutant gene.

D: Are Van and Cheyenne here,too?

R: (shocked that he would ask) Yes, we left them at the table arguing about directions.

D: Well, can I suggest a brief hour's stop-over at our cabin for maps fresh off the Internet, some incredibly sinful brownies and ice cream made by Georgia, and an entire playroom full of toddler toys for Denver and dolls for Elizabeth?

R: I wouldn't dream of imposing on the spur of the moment…

G: Oh, please, Reba, we are so bored. I madeWill take a vacation and he's at loose ends without work, so he forces me to go on long hikes with nothing but water and one apple…

D: You've never been in better shape even with a trainer. You know you love it.

G:…And then he grills me on the flora and fauna of the region.

R: At least he didn't put rocks in your backpack.

(Georgia eyes Will)

R: You didn't.

G: Oh, come home with us, Reba. We can sing a duet and Will can play for us.

R: Just do me a favor.

D: What's that?

R: Don't ask Cheyenne to perform.


	12. Chapter 12

Mr Darcy Does Houston Scenes 28-29

SCENE 28

INT: DARCY AND GEORGIA'S CABIN – AFTERNOON

(The "cabin" is actually a spacious home with exposed rafters, lots of wood, and huge fireplace, and 360 degree commanding views of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Henry grabs Brock to explore outside. Cheyenne goes upstairs to watch Elizabeth in the playroom. Van holds Denver and sits on the couch to give him a bottle. Reba and Georgia stand at one of the large windows.)

R: This takes my breath away. You must feel like you're in church every morning.

(Georgia smiles and glances at Will, who also smiles.)

G: Church?

R: Yeah. I just want to sing a hymn or a praise song just standing here.

G: Go right ahead.

R: Naw, that's not really my style. If I'm going to sing a worship song in public, it only feels right when everybody's singing, not just me. I didn't mean to hint that I wanted to sing.

D: Okay, then I'll hint.

(He moves over to the piano.)

R: Will, I doubt you know any of the songs I like to sing.

D: Try me.

(Reba looks at him a moment. Darcy stares back at her in challenge.)

R: Alright, how about "Can't Even Get the Blues No More?"

(Still looking straight at her, Darcy launches into the intro. She stops him.)

R: That was easy. How about "Take That Mountain?"

(Again, Darcy immediately starts the intro. Reba narrows her eyes.)

R: "Why Haven't I Heard From You?"

(Once more, Darcy begins the song. He passes the intro, but she hasn't begun to sing. She's still staring at him, frowning slightly. He starts singing it himself, then stops when Reba's jaw drops.)

D: Let's try "If You Only Knew."

R: Or "If I Had Only Known."

D: "You're the One I Dream About."

(In walks Caroline. She notices the electricity flowing between Reba and Darcy. Her jaw tightens. But R and D keep at it, oblivious of anyone else.)

R: "For My Broken Heart."

D: "What Do You Know About Heartache?"

R: "Is It Really Love?"

D: "The Heart Won't Lie."

CAROLINE: Well, hello, everyone! Will, I was just dropping by as usual to see if you're free for our standing dinner date, but I see you have company.

D: Caroline!

(He acts as if he's just woken up from a dream. Reba blinks.)

R: Oh, Will, we've taken up too much of your time anyway.

D: Nonsense; let's all have dinner together.

V: We really do need to go. We have two hours on the road before we get to the hotel we've already paid for. Cheyenne! We need to go!

G: Oh, promise me you'll visit again!

R: Or maybe you need to come to Houston and stay with us a few days. I'd like you to meet Jake, who's at Space Camp this week.

CAROLINE: Georgia is going to be pretty busy this summer coaching the new debutantes from Raleigh.

G: Well, I haven't actually accepted that position.

CAR: But you will, because you're the best for the job. And it will look really great on your application for Junior League. Reba, how have you been taking the loss of Mr. Wickham? I heard he got transferred to California.

(Georgia pales and Reba walks over to her, frowning at Caroline.)

R: Look, Georgia, a red-tailed hawk!

(Reba's phone rings. She takes it and goes outside. Cheyenne comes downstairs with Elizabeth and Van gathers a sleeping Denver's toys and puts him in his carrier.

CHEY: Mr. Darcy, we've really enjoyed your home, and thanks for the directions.

V: Yeah, I wanted to get a GPS before the trip, but somebody called it a "toy."

(He glares at Cheyenne.)

D: I'm glad you didn't have one. We would have missed seeing you.

(Reba runs in from outside, her face streaming with tears.)

R: Come on, ya'll there's an emergency with Kyra.

(There's a communal gasp.)

CHEY: Is she OK?

R: Physically, yes, but I don't want to go into it here. We need to go back to Houston right now.

(She yells for Brock and Henry)

R: Brock! Get up here quick! We've gotta go now!

V: Mrs.H, what's up?

R: Get in the car; I'll tell you on the road.

(Georgia stands with her mouth covered. Caroline has a slight smile on her face.)

D: Is there anything I can do?

(Reba glances up at him and shakes her head. They walk out the door. Georgia and Caroline stay inside; Darcy walks out with them and takes Reba aside as Van and Cheyenne are getting the kids situated.)

D: Let me do something.

R: There's nothing to be done. It's basically my fault this happened. In trying to conceal my own stupidity, I exposed my daughter to a predator.

D: But you said she was physically OK.

(Brock runs up, puts Henry in the car, and comes over.)

R: Oh, hell, I might as well tell you since it'll be all over Houston and Bingely will find out from his friends there and tell you anyway. Kyra has run away with a new band fan. It's Mike Wickham.

(Darcy is speechless for a moment. Brock turns red.)

BROCK: I'll kill 'im. I'll find him, then I'll kill him.

D: He's at least twenty years older. And Kyra –she's so level-headed. But he fooled you for a while, and almost had Georgia long ago.

R: I have no idea how to go about finding them. They were supposedly headed for Lake Tahoe, but they could have used different names…

B: He is dead meat. Let's go.

(Brock gets in the driver's seat and starts the car.)

D: This is really serious. I mean, he could take her basically anywhere. But what does he mean by it?

R: Right. Heaven knows, she can't pay any of his debts. He's not after love or security. It's what I'm most afraid of – he just wants a sweet young thing to play with until he meets an heiress.

(Her face screws up and she starts crying again, so she starts to walk away to get in the car.)

D: I wish I could do something.

R: Thanks anyway, Will.

(He turns and goes back in the house.)

R: (to herself) I really will never see him again.

(Will walks inside. Caroline is playing an etude and Georgia is looking out a window.)

G: What happened?

D: Kyra's just rebelling a bit.

CAR: That whole family's a mess. I don't know what you see in her, Georgia. She's not a good role model. Her ancestry is a bunch of nobodies from farmers all the way back to peasants. Her education was mediocre, at best. She made a poor choice of a first husband and still allows him access to her. She's allowed her kids to run wild and she sells average houses to average people. Her whole life is as depressing as an Arthur Miller play. She's okay to look at, but only because Cheyenne's taught her how to cake on makeup. She moves like a field hand and her accent is like lemon juice on an open wound. I remember you saying something, Will, after that first barbeque in Houston that was so funny. One of her neighbors was commenting on Reba's natural beauty, and you asked him if he was comparing her to a flower or a weed. But later, she seemed to grow on you a bit.

D: Well, that was long ago, before I really knew her. But it has been several months since I have considered her to be one of the most drop-dead gorgeous women I've ever met.

(He leaves the room.)

(Caroline stands speechless. Georgia smiles slightly.)

G: Can I get you a Diet Coke?

CAR: No, thank you, I have to get back to dinner.

G: I don't believe Will will be coming.

CAR: No.

(Caroline leaves. Will comes back in.)

G: Is it really bad?

D: It involves Wickham.

G: Wickham and Kyra? Oh, no.

D: I've got to do something. I'm going to call some associates in Nevada. If anyone calls, please take a message.

G: Unless it's Reba?

D: (sighs) I don't think she'll call me, but yes, unless it's Reba.

(He exits. Georgia stands at a window. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, praying silently.)

SCENE 29

INT: REBA'S DEN– NOON- TWO OR THREE DAYS LATER

(Reba is pacing while talking on the phone.)

R: I can't meet you in Lake Tahoe, Brock; I have to go pick up Jake from Space Camp this afternoon. How I'm ever gonna explain this to him I'll never know.

B: (voice-over) Be as general as possible. Oh, by the way, I kinda let it slip to Barbara Jean…

R: Oh, that's just the cherry in the Sprite, now, isn't it. Why the hell did you do that?

B: She has some contacts in Reno that might be able to get info from Lake Tahoe.

R: Her contacts can be trusted about as far as her vault full of Beanie Babies can be thrown.

B: Anyway, she's coming to Houston tonight to stay with you.

R: Go fry yourself in your tanning bed.

(She hangs up on him.)

R: Crap. Crap,crap,crap!

(There's a knock on the door.)

R: Wonderful. I'm not home.

(She hears a muffled voice say the following)

LA: It's Lorrie Ann, Reba!

(Reba opens the door and hugs LA)

LA: Whoa! I don't believe I've ever gotten a welcome like that, even after my third husband came home from two months on an oil rig.

R: I just need a real friend right now.

LA: Honey, I'm so sorry about this thing with Kyra. But Brock will find them. He's stupid, he's clumsy, and he's got his head in his butt, but he loves his babies. You need to stop worrying for two seconds when everything that could be done is being done. You need to be here for Jake.

R: Yeah, well, the thing with Kyra should be my only concern right now, but unfortunately, there's something else that's eating at me.

(LA walks over to the sofa and sits down.)

LA: I'm listening.

(Reba presses her lips together, paces, sits down, gets back up.)

LA: Good Lord, woman, are you hiding Wickham's dead body in your freezer in the garage?

R: (sighs) I'm just trying to decide if talking about this will help.

LA: Talking about what?

R: (massages her neck) Um…Will Darcy.

LA: Will Darcy? What does he have to do with Kyra? Oh, he might help find them since he grew up with Wickham…

R: No, no. That's not it. I told you we were at his cabin when word came about Kyra.

LA: Yeah, how ironic and sick is that? To be at the home of a person you can't stand when you have the worst shock of your life.

R: Well, the thing is…I really can stand him now.

LA: You CAN stand him? Will Darcy? The most pompous, egotistical butt in the universe, and I'm quoting you directly?

R: Yes, well…

LA: Oh,my God, Reba, you're in love with him.

(Reba winces.)

LA: Woo, honey, good for you! What a catch! He must be worth at least 3 billion.

R: Lorrie Ann!

LA: I know, I know, that's not why you like him.

(Reba sits next to LA and leans her forehead on her hand.)

LA: But why?

R: When he told me about Georgia, and I met her, and I saw his house and how he treated my family, how he had completely changed in the past four months, I just couldn't help it.

LA: Was there one thing that did it, or was it gradual?

R: It began with the e-mail he sent me to explain what happened with Georgia and Wickham, but I guess I really realized it when he was at the piano.

LA: The piano?

R: He's a classical pianist. Took several awards as a teenager. Anyway, Georgia wanted me to sing, but I knew he wouldn't know any of the songs I know. But lo and behold, he began running through every one I've ever sung, reciting the titles and then playing the intros. And the way he looked at me and said each title made it sound as if there was an underlying message. I played along and fed him titles and he responded with another title, like a dialogue.

LA: Where was everyone else?

R: I'm not sure. (She smiles.) I wasn't aware of anything but him. He's got these deep brown eyes, almost black, like pools. And when he sits down at the piano it becomes part of him, like he's finally home, and all his pretentions just fall off. There's nothing left but that long, lean frame, those incredibly nimble fingers, those eyes, and a baritone that could melt tungsten. He started singing "Why Haven't I Heard From You" and I almost fell over.

LA: You are so cute, Reba! I haven't ever seen you this giddy, even when you were juggling Terry and Brock.

R: But I should be worried sick over Kyra! And here I can't get this man out of my head!

LA: He must still love you, Reba, if he was making moony eyes at you.

R: He was obviously flirting. He and Caroline have a standing date every week. They're practically engaged.

LA: Like the Doobies and the Eagles said, "You only want the ones that you can't get." Join the club, darlin'.I have a lifetime membership. Hey, when you get back from picking up Jake, let's have a meeting. We'll elect officers and set up an agenda for the year.

(Reba sighs and LA hugs her.)

R: That ought not to take too long. You're pres, I'm the vice pres. And the agenda for each meeting will be to decide do we get out the good wine or use the stuff in the box?


	13. Chapter 13

Darcy/Reba Scenes 30-33

SCENE 30

INT: REBA'S KITCHEN – EVENING

(BJ is just putting dinner on the table for Jake, Henry, and Reba. The table is already covered with serving dishes piled high. She gets another out of the oven with potholders and is about to put it on the table.)

R: Barbara Jean, there's no more room.

BJ: But I made the peas with the little baby onions.

(Reba stares at her.)

BJ (Pouting) You love the peas with the little baby onions.

R: We already have broccoli casserole, stuffed squash, and honey carrots.

BJ: You have to keep up your strength, Reba. Kyra would have wanted it that way.

R: She's not dead, Barbara Jean.

Jake: She is if she comes home pregnant like Cheyenne.

R: OK, no dessert for you.

HENRY: Yay. More for me.

Jake: That's okay. Barbara Jean let me lick the bowl before she put it in the refrigerator.

(Reba narrows her eyes at him.)

R: Go do your homework.

(Jake exits.)

BJ: You too, Henry.

R: Henry has homework in preschool?

BJ: It's a long-term project, due when we get back. He has to check off an inventory of all the safety features in wherever we go. Do you have a fire-escape rope ladder for each of the upstairs rooms?

R: Um…Barbara Jean, I am sufficiently cheered up. Don't you have to get back to Vegas to work?

BJ: Well, I told them my mother was dying and it could be a couple of weeks.

(Reba covers her face with her hand)

BJ: I'm going to stay until we hear something from Kyra.

(Brock knocks on the door; BJ opens it.)

B: I didn'tcall before I got in because I knew we'd be talking for a while-

BJ: Yeah, you didn't think info about Kyra was worth the minutes on your dang phone bill.

B: Save it, Barbara Jean. One of the parents of another band member found Kyra and Mike in Lincoln.

R: Lincoln? Well, did they do it?

B: They didn't get married. I don't know if they "did it" or not, yet.

R: Oh, God, help us. Kyra can't really love that man. She's just doing this to make me mad.

BJ: Now, Reba, let's try to be positive. Kyra's a brain. She's always loved history. Maybe she just wanted to see the city named after our 16th president.

B: My flight leaves in two hours.

R: I'm coming with you.

B: Flight's booked and there's not another one from Houston to Lincoln until tomorrow afternoon.

R: Why didn't you get me a ticket?

B: Reba, you don't need to go.

R: I'm her mother.

B: Right.

(Brock lifts his eyebrows. Reba starts to cry.)

B: I'll call you as soon as I get there and again after I talk to them. The dad of the band kid said they were planning to stay at least a week. Seems Mike's got some gambling buddies in Lincoln and there's a big game day after tomorrow. They have no idea I'm coming.

R: What's your plan? How do you intend to convince Kyra to come home?

B: I'll figure that out on the plane.

R: Don't hit him, Brock. That'll only make Kyra madder.

B: I'll be as calm as I can be. He has my daughter. I won't jeopardize her safety.

(He kisses both women on the forehead and leaves.)

BJ: You know, I think he really means well.

R: Well, he's learned a lot in the past seven years.

BJ: He's kinda like a Labrador Retriever that is not too bright. He's really cute, but dang it if it doesn't take years to get him to fetch.

SCENE 31

EXT: A CHEAP APARTMENT BUILDING – EARLY EVENING

(Darcy pulls up in a rented, non-descript car. He looks at the address on a card, then goes up the stairs to a second-floor door, and rings the doorbell. Kyra opens it.

KYRA: Yes?

D: Is Mike Wickham in?

K: Who's asking?

D: Darcy.

(Mike appears behind her.)

WICK: AH, the good Mr. Darcy here to tell me what to do again.

D: No, I came to speak to your girlfriend.

K: Me? You gotta be kidding. What do you care about me? How do you even know me?

D: I have friends in your family.

K: You? Last I heard you wouldn't be seen dead with anyone in my family. Not that I don't blame you.

D: I have come to my senses. Your family is colorful, but delightful.

K: So, what can I do for you?

D: May I come in?

K: (shrugs) Sure, if you don't mind a mess. I've been writing and haven't cleaned up.

WICK: I have some business online I must attend to. If you will excuse me…

(He goes to the back. Darcy looks around at the bare walls, the lack of furniture, the empty boxes of computer equipment)

K: Not exactly the Hilton, but we have everything we need.

D: Are you using birth control?

K: What business is that of yours?

D: Point taken. Do you have enough to eat?

K: Not always, but I'm a starving artist. It's important for all musicians to struggle for a time. Keeps us grounded and sharpens our pens, so to speak.

(Darcy looks at her.)

D: What about your band?

K: They understand. They're giving me time off to write. Sort of like a retreat.

D: So what are they doing for a singer while you're gone?

K: Oh, Kylie's my understudy. She's great.

D: Kylie's singing all your songs in front of your band for your audience?

K: I don't own the band, MrDarcy. I don't have a hang-up about her stealing my spot, if that's what you're hinting. Kylie has her style and I have mine. She would never try to take over.

(Darcy nods.)

D: So what does Mike do to make money?

K: He has several online projects.

D: Projects?

K: Investments. A bunch of them are about to go IPO this week. He says it won't get us rich, but it will allow us to buy furniture.

D: So are you just going to live together forever?

K: We're taking it one day at a time.

D: What if the IPOs don't happen?

K: They will. Mike's got the inside line. He has a friend at Price-Waterhouse in New York that feeds him information for a small fee.

D: Kyra, that's illegal.

K: No,no, this guy's a broker. It's on his fee sheet. It's not insider trading because he e-mails Mike only like 15seconds before he e-mails everyone else so technically and legally it's the same time.

D: What about school?

K: I'm done. Most of my professors had no clue about the real world anyway.

D: But your mom and dad have already paid for the whole year.

K: And I intend to pay them back with interest.

D: You know about the game tomorrow?

K: Boy, do I. Mike's gonna smoke 'em. You should see his poker face.

D: You know he has debts allover the country.

K: Who told you that? People owe him money. He just can't get it back.

(Darcy leans forward.)

D: Kyra, he owes 23,000in credit card payments and no telling how much to bookies. Look. I have the statements.

K: You made those up. You're just trying to bury him and control him like you always have.

D: Why would I go to the trouble? He's already trashed his life. I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for you, so you won't suffer the same fate as my sister.

K: Your sister? What is she, forty? Why would Mike be interested in her?

D: She's twenty-five now, but when he seduced her she was only sixteen.

K: You lie.

D: About my own baby sister?

(Kyra frowns)

SCENE 32

INT: REBA'S KITCHEN – MORNING

(The phone rings. Reba runs in with a toothbrush in her mouth, dressed for work, and answers it.)

B: (Voice over) I just talked with Mr. Bean, the parent, who made a deal with Wickham.

R: Please tell me we didn't have Johnny English deciding the fate of our daughter. When is she coming home?

B: He couldn't totally convince her of Wickham's nastiness, but she did demand that he produce proof to her that he's not in debt. She's giving him 24 hours to produce bank and credit card statements, W-2s, and to let her be there for the game, which he told her had a 200 dollar limit.

R: And how will she get home when she finds out he's a rat?

B: Mr. Bean gave her his number. We're staying in Lincoln until the game is over.

R: Who is this MrBean? Why is he so concerned for my daughter?

B: I think their son has a thing for Kyra and she spends a lot of time at their house.

R: We don't even know them! Kyra is closer to them than she is to us!

B: I'm just trying to figure out how we will ever thank them or repay them.

R: She's going to be so low when she comes home. I'd better get some ice cream on my way home. And old Julie Andrews movies. And Carol Burnett Show reruns.

B: And I hate to say it, but pregnancy tests and a trip down to the health center for a blood test for HIV.

R: That goes without saying. Makes me sick.

B: Yeah, if I went over there with Bean, Wickham would be in the ground.

R: Thanks for calling. Keep me posted.

(Reba lifts her face to the ceiling.)

R: Lord, be with my head-strong baby girl. Put a hedge of protection around her and open her eyes to the character of the person she's with. I can't do anything. I'm trusting you, good or bad.

SCENE 33

INT: REBA'S CAR – MORNING

(Kyra is crying in the passenger seat.)

R: It could be worse.

K: Mom, I have genital herpes. I can never have sex again. What's worse?

R: Oh, please. HIV, cancer, depression, mental illness, decapitation!

(Silence.)

K: Go ahead and say it.

R: What?

K: You know you want to. Let's just get it over with.

R: OK. (Pause) I told you…the first time for sex it wouldn't be real comfortable.

K: Mom! I meant, I told you so. That's what you want to say,isn't it?

R: Honey, if Cheyenne's example taught you nothing, my preaching ain't gonna touch it.  
(Kyra sighs.)

R: So,when's band practice?

K: That's another thing. Kylie is trying to say that she belongs as lead singer since I just took off. She wants the spot for the whole tour. I told her she could have it for the first week,until I get my sea legs back, but I own Houston, Lubbock, and Austin. Mr. Darcy warned me she'd try to push meout, but I wouldn'tlisten.

(Reba blanches.)

R: Mr. Darcy? Will Darcy?

K: Don't know his first name. He said he was a friend of the family but I guess it was recent while I was at Rice. He also tried to talk me into going back to school, but I didn't buy it…oops, wait a minute, he told me not to tell.

R: Tell what? When and where did you talk to him?

K: I'm going to get in trouble.

R: More than you're already in now? I need to know why another grown man is meeting my daughter in Lincoln Nebraska and meddling in her personal affairs.

K: He was the one who originally found us, not Mr Bean. Mr Bean was a front so you , Dad and BJ wouldn't know he was involved.

R: Why would he not want me to know he helped?

K: He said you had reason to doubt his judgment.

R: What did he do?

K: He talked to me first and told me about Mike, but of course, I wanted proof, and he tried to get me to leave that instant, but I had to be a brat and stay until I found out for myself. Then when he e-mailed my tickets to me, he tried to get me to promise I'd go back to Rice. He even offered to take me to a clinic in Lincoln for an HIV test.

(Reba stares straight ahead.)

K: Mom,there's the exit for home.

(She turns around and looks behind her.)

K: There WAS the exit for home.

(Reba sighs and gets off at the next one)

K: So what's up at home?

R: It's spotless.

K: Don't tell me: Barbara Jean came to keep you company during the "Kyra Vigil."

R: I gained five pounds. And went back on Wellbutrin.

(Kyra is silent a moment)

K: I'm really sorry,Mom. You don't deserve a family as screwed up as we are.

R: Hey,I'm a part of this family. I made it. Wacko is better than dull in my book. What would I do if I didn't swoop in and clean up all the messes?

K: I guess you'd have to become a superhero and get one of those skin-tight jumpsuits in some garish color. But you'd need a special power.

R: Ooo, yeah, a special power.

K: How about breaking glass with your voice?

R: Nah, too showy.

(They pass Bingley's old house. There's a moving van outside.)

R: Van didn't tell me he finally sold Bingely's house.

K: He didn't. Look, there's Bingely hauling in his computer.

R: Charlie's back? I gotta call Lorrie Ann.


	14. Chapter 14

MrDarcy Does Houston – End

SCENE 34

INT.: LORRIE- ANN'S DEN- LATE AFTERNOON

(LA and Reba are having a drink after)

R: So has he called?

LA: Let's see. He's moving in. You just saw him fifteen minutes ago, so he's probably been at the house about that long. No, Reba, he hasn't called.

R: Call him, Lorrie Anne.

LA: I'm trying to be less forward, Reba.

R: You are in love.

(The doorbell rings. Reba looks at Lorrie Ann.)

R: He's here, he's here!

(Reba rushes over to the front door and opens it. There is Bingely and behind him, Darcy. Reba stares, recovers, and gives Charlie a hug.)

R: Charlie, it's so good to see you! Come in, come in!

(She glances at Darcy and gives him a quick smile.)

R: Hi, Will.

D: Hi, Reba.

(Barbara Jean runs in right behind them.)

BJ: Oh my gosh, Charlie's back! We have missed you so much! Remember me? I'm Barbara Jean, Brock's wife? Reba's friend? You have missed so much intrigue around here, Charlie. That bum Wickham left owing every bookie in town and – none of you know this yet, so it's breaking news- he's been indicted for attempting to sell steroids to minors. On top of what he did to poor little Kyra and her reputation.

(Reba turns red, clenches her fists and her jaws and walks toward Barbara Jean with narrowed eyes.)

BJ: But on a lighter note, remember that your homeowners' association dues need to be in by the third of the month.

CHARLIE: Barbara Jean, I thought you took a job in Vegas.

BJ: I got fired for taking too much time off.

R: Fired? You didn't tell us that!

BJ: Didn't come up.

R: Where's Henry?

BJ: At your house with Jake.

R: Jake has a big project due tomorrow. He doesn't have time to babysit Henry. Go get him and get a hotel, Barbara Jean, until you get a job.

BJ: But-

(Reba smiles at Charlie and LA.)

R: Sorry! Barbara Jean, let's take this outside.

(They go outside, leaving LA and Charlie alone)

R: Barbara Jean, you need to find a job, an apartment, and stay put. Henry has enough trouble with his disability without you moving all over creation and dragging him with you.

BJ: You're right; I know you're right. You're always right. Why can't I be like you, Reba? Why can't I be the one everyone turns to?

R: Trust me; you don't want the responsibility and you couldn't handle the power.

(Suddenly, Lorrie Ann flings open the door.)

LA: He proposed!

(They hug.)

BJ: Oh, Lorrie Ann,let me be your wedding planner!

LA: Uh…oh, Barabara Jean, it's too early for that.

BJ: Oh, it's never too early.

R: Barbara Jean, leave the woman alone to enjoy this for just a dang minute! Go get Henry so Jake can study and start planning the wedding cake.

BJ: (Looks off in the distance) The Cake! Hey, Reba, you got any graph paper?

R: Jake has some. Now, git!

(BJ runs off excited and happy)

LA: Reba, I don't want that crazy giant Barbie making my cake! She'll probably pop out of it in the middle of the ceremony.

R: Don't worry; I deal with that later. Meanwhile, I bought you a good two weeks. I'm so happy for you both I could just cry.

LA: Don't do that! Then you'll make me feel all sorry for you and then I'll have to spend time away from Charlie to get you cheered up. I just got to find you a man.

R: I'm happy like I am, Lorrie Ann. Why would I want to throw another human into the huge mess of a family I already have?

LA: Because it could be better if you had a man to depend on.

R: I think those went the way of the dinosaur.

LA: Charlie's not a dinosaur

R: But he's one in a million.

LA: And there are 5 million in the greater Houston area,so that means somewhere out there (she gestures with a sweep of her arm) five men are waiting for you to show the hell up.

R: I just wish God would point 'em out somehow, you know, like paint 'em with glow in the dark ink or wear a certain type of hat or have a secret phrase like the title of one of the songs I like.

LA: Reba, you ask an awful lot of God.

R: Well, by jingo, He's asked a lot of me.

(Charlie comes out and Reba hugs him.)

R: What's Caroline going to do now?

C: Pout and go to Elizabeth Arden, then to Cannes. She'll be fine in a month.

LA: And if she's not?

C: Then she'll freeze us out and we'll never have to see her again. It's a win/win situation.

SCENE 35

INT: REBA'S DEN- AFTERNOON

(The whole family is over watching a college football game. Lorrie Ann and Charlie are over. Darcy is there, but he sits over in a side chair, watching the others, mainly Reba, yell at the refs.)

R: You're blind, ref; that was a clip. It was a clip, wasn't it, Van? You saw it!

V: Yes, Mrs. H., it was a clip.

BROCK: Anybody want the last bit of dip?

BJ: As if you need it.

B: Hey, we're not married anymore.You can't tell me what to do.

BJ: Obviously: You've gained fifteen pounds since the divorce.

(Brock grabs the dip and eats it with his hands.)

BJ: You are such a pig.

(He licks his lips. BJ suddenly lunges for him and kisses him.)

LA: Get a room, you baboons.

(Reba runs over and starts hitting them with pillows, punctuating her words with blows.)

R: Not – in – my – house – you – don't – now – get – out – or – I'll – go – get – the – chili- and – pour – it – on – you!

(BJ and Brock go in the kitchen to talk. Reba is so mad she is shaking.)

R: I'm going outside to get some air!

(She is walking briskly away from the house on the sidewalk in the neighborhood. Darcy runs up from behind and catches up with her.)

R: I coud just feel my blood pressure going up.

D: It wasn't exactly down when you were watching the football game.

R: That wasn't tense excitement. That was fun. I just yell for fun. But BJ and Brock are another story. They'll always get on my nerves.

(They walk a moment in silence.)

R: Hey, thanks for coming over. I know American football's not your thing.

D: I enjoy the fact that you all enjoy it so much.

(More silence)

R: Listen, I have to confess something. I'll blame it on my high blood pressure, because I know you meant to keep it confidential, but I must tell you how grateful I am, beyond any words, for how you saved Kyra fromWickham.

(Darcy's mouth falls open, he stops to look at her, then turns and continues walking, but they walk more slowly.)

R: Please don't blame Kyra. She was upset with herself and her diagnosis and was expressing her relief at how you got her out of a situation she didn't realize was unsafe. My whole family would thank you, but I kept it from them. I thought you'd want it that way. Please know,Will, how grateful we all are to have her back safe.

D: Well, I am sorry you ended up knowing, but don't give me the grand recognition of a hero, because I didn't do it for your family; I did it for you.

R: For me? After all I did to insult you last spring?

D: I deserved it; I asked for it. I've been such a snob all my life. I will never forget what you said that day in Las Vegas: You act as though just because you have money and influence, I should jump into your arms and ride off into the sunset. But I'd just as soon jump into a trough full of snakes as marry you.

R: Oh, geez, don't bring that up!

D: Those words have run through my mind at least a hundred times a day since then.

R: Oh, Will, I had no intention of torturing you like that. I'm sorry!

D: No, no, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty! I needed that to wake me out of my stupor. You began a needed change which I would have continued to make whether or not you really cared for me. No discipline is pleasant at the time and all that. I thought you were probably still anti-Darcy.

R: Because my mind was poisoned by the nefarious Mr. Wickham!

D: "Nefarious?"

(She smiles.)

R: It's nice to enjoy the English language with someone besides Kyra. Although Jake's getting there.

(He stops walking and turns toward her.)

D: Look, Reba, you are too kind a person to play with my feelings. If you still feel about me the same way you did at my aunt's in Vegas, tell me now say it loud and clearly. I will understand and accept it graciously, and will never bother you again.

(Reba blinks but says nothing; she looks at him with a Mona Lisa smile. He waits, then takes a step forward.)

D: If , however, your feelings have changed…

(Reba steps forward and her voice is shaking, her eyes searching his)

R: They have changed, Will, they have changed so - so completely –that – I…I…I love ya,Will; I can't help it. I loved you since I saw you sitting at your piano.

D: I loved you since you showed up at Charlie's in your sweats to nurse Lorrie Ann.

R: You're kidding. I thought you hated me.

D: Oh, believe me; I tried.

(He caresses her faces with one of his hands. She reaches up to run her fingers through his hair. He gathers her face in both hands and brings his lips to meet hers. They part briefly and Will opens his eyes to reposition, but Reba's eyes remain closed. In the background, a Mini Cooper parks in front of them. It's Barbara Jean, Brock, and Henry. She rolls down the window and leans out.)

BJ: Now who's making out in public, hmmmm? Get a room, you animals.

(Reba continues kissing Darcy while waving off Barabara Jean. Brock tries to stop BJ.)

B: Look, Barbara Jean; she's made her choice. Leave her alone.

BJ: Well, I don't care how rich he is; I think he's a snob and a miserable spoil sport who has no sense of humor. How can Reba be happy with someone like that?

(R&D stop kissing.)

R: He's none of those things anymore, Barbara Jean. He's changed.

BJ: Yeah, right. And there will be lasting peace in the Middle East.

(They drive away.)

D: So, do I need to check with your family before I ask you out on a real date?

R: Let's see, do they check with me before they do all the stupid things they do? Um, no. So why should I check with them before I do one of the smartest and most exciting things I've ever done in my life?

(Darcy grins.)

D: Race you to my car?

R: Race? I haven't run in years. I'm not sure-

(She takes off suddenly without warning. He catches up and they talk while still sprinting.)

D: Isn't this bad for your blood pressure?

R: Nope.

(Reba touches the Aston-Martin first.)

D: What the-

R: I faked you out. I've been doing elliptical training for the past six months. My blood pressure's gone down so much that my doctor was able to cut my dose in half.

D: Go, Reba!

R: Only now, I need a shower.

D: If you don't want the trouble, we can just go to Subway.

(Reba gives him a look. He grins.)

D: Nope, just kidding. The Brownstone.

R: Yikes, Will. That's a five-star restaurant. I may not have anything to wear.

D: Consult Cheyenne. Pick you up at seven?

(Reba looks at her watch.)

R: That gives me…three hours. Perfect.

(They kiss again, then he gets in his car and drives off. Reba sighs.)

SCENE 39

INT: REBA'S DEN- EVENING

(Van opens the door for Darcy and eyes him sternly.)

V: Mr. Darcy.

D: Evening, Van.

(Cheyenne comes down and stands on the landing.)

CHEY: I know we're supposed to make you wait like at least five minutes, but I can't stand it.

(Reba comes down the stairs in a gold silk shantung chemise with a crocheted burgundy shawl, metallic high heeled sandals, and a matching bag. Cheyenne has swept her hair up in a loose chignon. Darcy gawks.)

D: W-w-wow.

(He takes her hand.)

D: They may let us eat free. Or I may not even want to eat.

(Van steps forward.)

V: Easy, big boy.

R: Back off, Van.

V: Have her back by midnight.

(Darcy and Reba look at him and laugh while walking out the door.)

SCENE 40

EXT: A BEACH-AFTERNOON

(Whole family on a beach in the Caribbean. All cast members present. Everyone is in light green casual wear except the minister, who is in a white robe. Reba's in a strapless mint sundress and is barefoot and holding one white hibiscus. Will Darcy is in a mint shirt and khakis rolled up, also barefoot. They say their vows, unheard by the mics. They kiss, everyone cheers. Reba throws the hibiscus. BJ lunges to catch it. She and Brock look at each other and shrug.)

SCENE 41

EXT: DAYTIME – CAMERA SHOT FROM OVERHEAD DARCY'S SAILING YACHT

(Camera pans in for a close up. Reba is at the wheel and Darcy is pointing at the windlass and the sails. Camera pans back out and away to show them sailing in the ocean next to an isolated island with one house in the center of it.)

END TITLES


End file.
